


Stronger At The Broken Places

by ShipwreckedPrincess



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2019-01-05 01:57:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 26,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12180645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShipwreckedPrincess/pseuds/ShipwreckedPrincess
Summary: After her break up with Maggie, a devastated Alex refuses to leave her apartment or see her friends and family. Worried that Alex is truly broken, Kara enlists an unlikely person to check on her sister.Lena, herself, is broken in a lot of ways. Can helping Alex change that?A story of how the most unexpected beauty can come from the messiest parts of life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure what this is. After hearing the spoilers, I am prepping myself for an inevitable break up between Maggie and Alex. I couldn't get this story or this pairing out of my head, so here it is.

As you stand in front of Alex Danvers door with a bag of takeout and enough nervous energy to power a small city, you can't help but wonder how you let yourself get talked into this. Damn Kara and her giant puppy dog eyes. You've really got to learn to say no to that girl once in a while. Then again, as her best friend, you suppose checking on her sister is a duty rightfully yours.

You've only met Alex a handful of times. You don't know her, not really, so it seems incredibly presumptuous to show up on her door step during what is arguably one of the toughest situations one can endure.  
Kara is worried about her, really worried. You got a cliff notes version of events; Maggie accepted Alex's proposal and if Kara's excitement was any indication, they were happy. Then Maggie's past came calling; An estranged father, a niece with nowhere else to go. Maggie went back to Nebraska and Alex realized they weren't on the same page. While it all sounded somewhat amicable, you cannot imagine going from the high of an engagement to a devastating end of the same relationship within days. Anyone would have a hard time with that. 

Alex won't let anyone in. Kara said she took time off work, something she apparently never does, refuses to see anyone and barely texts Kara back. Alex wouldn't open the door for Kara and after she refused Winn, James and even J'onn, Kara was desperate, Alex has maintained radio silence for just over a week. You are a last resort. 

Alex answers the door after a few tentative knocks. She looks so young with her hair pinned back, face free of makeup, clad in pajama shorts and a hoodie.

"Lena?" The surprise is evident in her voice.

"Hello, Agent Danvers."

"Alex."

"Excuse me?"

"Call me Alex. I am in pajamas after all, formalities seem kind of ridiculous at this point." She doesn't sound irritated, just tired.

"Of course. Alex. Yeah." Your usual composure seems to have abandoned you. 

"Kara sent you." Alex sighs, resigned. It wasn't a question but you nod anyway. 

Without another word, Alex turns away from you and disappears inside of her apartment. She leaves the door open and you take that as an invitation, following her inside and close the door behind you.  
There is a half empty bottle of dark amber liquor on the coffee table, next to a glass containing the same. Kara did seem concerned that Alex would be drinking but if there was ever an excuse to indulge, this was it. 

"Want a drink?" Alex asks, following your line of sight. "It's slightly less pathetic if I'm not drinking alone."

"Sure," you say, "I'd love a glass." How can you refuse? The ghost of a smile Alex flashes your way let you know you've made the right decision.

Alex reaches out motioning for you to hand her the take out bag, you hand it over carefully.

"Pot stickers?" She asks without even looking at the contents.

"I'm honestly not sure. Probably. Kara sent them."

"She really loves these things." Alex sounds wistful as she hands you a glass. "Please, make yourself comfortable. I'll put these in the fridge. Unless you want some now?"

"Oh, no thank you. I've never had the heart to tell your sister but I'm not that fond of pot stickers."

"Your secret is safe with me. She'd be devastated if she ever found out." Another barely there smile graces Alex's lips and you already know you want to see that happen again.

You sit on one end of Alex's sofa, balancing as close to the edge as possible. The tight black pencil skirt you have on doesn't lend itself well to relaxing. You pour yourself a reasonable amount of alcohol from the decanter and take a sip. Bourbon. Alex seems like the kind of woman who drinks Bourbon, no nonsense and strong. 

"Good?" Alex asks. She sits down on the couch, a respectable distance away, and tucks her legs under herself. She looks so...soft. The thought startles you from your reverie. She asked a question. Focus. 

"Ummm. Yes, it's very smooth." This drink has gone straight to your head. Apparently. 

"Mmmhmm" she answers, noncommittally around her glass as she takes a drink. The silence that follows isn't comfortable exactly but it's not awkward either so you let it stretch. 

After a while Alex says, "I know they're worried about me."

"Hmm?" 

"Kara. My friends. I know they're worried and I'm not avoiding them just to be a pain."

"I doubt they think that, Alex." You really do. Kara seems concerned but understanding. It's not really your place to convey that though. 

"I just need to deal with my own emotions before dealing with everyone else's. I mean, they knew her too. They'll all have feelings about what happened based on all these shared experiences. I can't deal with pity or with comforting anyone right now. I just need to...I dunno. Wallow. Process. Something. That's so selfish of me but-"

"It's not selfish, Alex. It's not selfish to take care of yourself first." Your heart aches for this woman. How often does she have to put her own needs last? You can certainly relate to that. "Kara will understand. I may not know you well, but I know her. Your sister loves you unconditionally. I'll tell her you need a little time."

Alex nods once, taking another drink. Her eyes shine with unshed tears and she looks so vulnerable it makes your breath catch in your throat. 

"Do you have Netflix?" You ask, trying to break the tension. You've decided you're not letting Alex go through this alone. She doesn't want her friends or family around? That's fine. You're neither. 

"Uh, yeah. Why?" She seems confused, not that you blame her.

"Well, I'm having a drink with you. Might as well make an evening out of it and binge watch bad TV. That's what's customary in these situations, right? Alcohol and mindless TV?"

"Are you proposing a girls night?" The amusement in Alex's voice is evident, "Lena Luthor is stooping to a Netflix movie night with a depressed woman in pajamas? Is this charity case at least tax deductible?" She says it with such a straight face, you're concerned you've over stepped.

"I didn't mean it like that...I...this isn't charity..." But she's chuckling and you take a breath.

"I'm kidding, Lena. If you really don't mind, I'd like the company. Don't feel obligated though. I will be fine alone if you need to be somewhere."  
"I'm right where I want to be," you reply honestly. 

"Season 7 of The Walking Dead is out, lets watch that! Zombies always make me feel better." As weird as that sentence is, it doesn't surprise you to know Alex is comforted by horror. You choose to omit the fact that zombies scare the living daylights out of you. You're here for Alex and if she wants zombies, she's going to get them. 

"Sounds good to me." 

Alex grabs a remote from the arm of the couch and after a few moments has her TV on and her show ready to play. 

"Wait!" She practically shouts, "we need popcorn."

After Alex has microwaved two giant bags of way too buttery popcorn, she puts it in a very large bowl and sets it between the two of you on the couch, settling in much closer to you than she was before.  
You make it through almost an entire episode before you jump in terror at a particularly gruesome scene playing out on the television, letting out an embarrassingly high pitched squeal in the processes. Alex pauses the show and regards you with a raised eyebrow and an expression somewhere between concern and amusement. 

"Lena?" She asks, ducking her head to try and catch your eye. Suddenly the popcorn bowl is fascinating. 

"Hmm?" You manage 

"You're scared aren't you?" You nod, no point in lying now. "Why didn't you say anything?!"

"Ugh, I'm sorry. I didn't want to seem uncool. I'm really sucked in if it helps. I want to keep watching." 

"You sure?" Her concern touches you. 

"I'm sure." You say honestly.

"Okay but if it gets to be too much, just say so, yeah?"

"Yeah. I will." Alex smiles at you and presses play. 

You spend the next hour in relative silence, fingers occasionally brushing when you reach for popcorn. You ignore the warmth in your chest at the simple contact. When the second episode ends, you realize it's relatively late. Although you don't really want to leave, you feel like it's time to anyway.

"All right. I'm going to get out of your hair." You announce, standing up and grabbing your purse from the floor. Something that looks a lot like disappointment flashes over Alex's features.

"I could come back," you blurt out before you can stop yourself. "Tomorrow after work? You know, so we can keep watching?" For some reason, you really want her to say yes. 

"To check on me again you mean?" Her voice is soft. 

"No. My deal with Kara was a one time thing. I want to come back. If you're okay with it of course. Believe it or not, I don't have many friends. Hanging out today was nice." More than nice if you're being truthful. 

"It was. I think I missed human interaction more than I realized."

"Give me your phone." You demand. Alex pulls it out of her hoodie pocket without question, unlocks it and hands it to you. You add your number and send yourself a text. "Text me if you need anything at all. Ice cream, to vent, anything." Alex takes her phone back, pocketing it without looking.

"Question," her voice is soft again, hesitant. "Why are you being so nice to me?"

The question catches you off guard. "Why wouldn't I be?" 

"You don't really know me. I know Kara's your friend but sad sister duty is asking a lot." She's genuinely confused. People aren't just nice to be nice in Alex's mind. Another thing you have in common. 

"It started off as a favor for Kara, but like I said, I enjoyed this evening. You let me in despite my last name. You let me help. Nobody's ever just let me help. Its nice to be useful, to just be Lena. If that makes sense." 

"It does make sense." She seems a little sad but in a way that suggests it is sadness for you, not for herself. Maybe the broken parts in you call out to the broken parts in her. Maybe somehow you can keep each other from shattering.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex has a breakdown and Lena has a breakthrough.

The Walking Dead marathons become an almost nightly occurrence over the next week. Alex still isn't talking much but she lets you be there and right now that's enough. It's more than enough really, it's a lot.  
You've never really done this before. You've never had the type of friendship where you were truly a comfort, where you took comfort. Kara's the only other exception but its much different with her, the footing isn't the same. 

It seems odd, this arrangement you and Alex have, but it works. There is a deep satisfaction in being the only person she allows around though you feel for Kara and everyone who cares for Alex. Not being able to be with someone you love when you know they're in pain is a special kind of torture. 

You and Alex usually text back and forth throughout the day, nothing earth shattering but you keep in contact. Today though, Alex hasn't answered a single text. You call twice and the second time you get her voicemail, you tell a shocked Jess that you are leaving for the day hours earlier than you have in a while. 

Kara gave you a spare key to Alex's apartment that first time she sent you over, concerned you may need to intercept something horrific. At the time, you thought Kara just had an overactive imagination but when Alex doesn't answer after several minutes of knocking, you start to picture similar scenarios. 

Trying to quell your rising panic, you let yourself in. The early afternoon sunlight filters in through blinds that are shut tight. Luckily Alex lives in a studio and it only takes a few seconds of frantic scanning to find her curled up on top of the comforter on her bed. She is so still, you think for a minute that she might be sleeping but as your eyes adjust to the low lighting, you see her eyes are open. 

Alex is just staring off into space, seemingly unaware of your presence. You approach the bed slowly, not wanting to startle her, and take a seat beside her.

"Alex," you say softly. She blinks up at you slowly.

"Lena? Hey. What time is it?" Her voice sounds almost normal but you can tell it's not.

"It's just after one. You didn't answer my texts. Or calls. I was worried."

"You were?" You try not to let the surprise at your revaluation sting too much.

"Of course I was. Are you okay?"

"Yes. No. I will be. It's just a bad day." 

You don't push for an explanation. You get it. Some days are just hard. You coax Alex up to the pillows and under the blankets, tucking them gently around her. A strand of hair falls across her forehead and without thinking, you brush it away. Her skin is so soft under your fingertips. 

"Rest." You tell her. "Tomorrow is a different day." You can't promise a better day but different is comforting too. Alex nods, her eyes already closing. 

You decide to stay, Alex shouldn't be alone when she's like this. You're really not sure what you can do for her right now and maybe it's a little selfish but being near her, knowing she's okay calms something inside you. 

Settling on the couch as comfortably as possible in your form fitting dress (note to self; learn to dress more casually once in a while) you put on an episode of The Walking Dead. You start at season one so you don't get ahead of Alex and turn the volume low. 

The noise from the TV becomes nothing more than a backdrop for your wandering thoughts. You text Kara, asking her to have lunch with you tomorrow. The two of you haven't spent any real time together in a while. Kara has been through a lot lately and Alex is usually the person she she relies on for comfort. It has to hurt to have that taken away, even if it's a temporary loss. Kara is your best friend and you want to be there for her too. 

For most of your life, your relationship with others has been one sided. People always want something from you. You know you're smart, pretty, well spoken and that's all most people see. Your parents. Your brother. The media. Rhea. Nice when they need you but it's never real. 

Kara changed your mind on creating connections with others. For so long you pretended you were better off alone and you believed it for the most part. Kara befriended you with no ulterior motive. The rumors, your family, your history, none of it matters to Kara and having someone like her in your life has made a world of difference.

Now there's Alex. You wouldn't say you're friends. Not exactly. Not yet. Kara basically thrust you into Alex's life and while you probably weren't her first choice for companionship, she's let you hang around. It's new to you, to be trusted in this way and it means everything. 

Emotion often gets the better of you despite, or maybe because of, the way you were raised. A therapist one told you that you have an over developed sense of empathy and that you lack emotional maturity. It felt too true to hurt. Alex stirs emotions in you that you're unsure how to classify. Empathy, yes, but something else too, something close to tenderness. It certainly doesn't feel immature. 

You don't know how long you sit, half way paying attention to the show while futility attempting order your scattered thoughts, but it must be a while. You don't hear Alex get out of bed so when she suddenly appears, taking a seat next to you on the sofa, you practically jump out of your skin.

"Sorry." She says quietly, "I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's all right. You're very stealthy." Of course she's an agent, they probably taught stealth on the first day of training. It's difficult, for reasons you're not ready to understand, to keep your composure around Alex.  
"I'm going to take a shower," she announces, too lost in her own head to notice your awkwardness. 

"Okay. Do you want me to go?" You're not entirely comfortable with the idea, she's still acting off.

"Will you stay? I know its asking a lot. I just-"

"I've got nowhere else to be, Alex." That's definitely a lie. You have a ton of work to do and technically you should be at your office. You want to be here, though, more than you want to be at work. That's new. 

"Okay," she says simply before getting up. You hear her move around the elevated loft you refer to as her bedroom, gathering clothes to change into after her shower. It's difficult to resist the urge to watch her move about the space but you keep your eyes on the TV, giving her some semblance of privacy and when the door to the bathroom closes, you release a breath you didn't know you were holding. 

You're hoping the shower will improve her mood but it doesn't seem to. Alex emerges from the bathroom in gray sweat pants that hang low on her hips and a black tank top that ends just before they begin. Your eyes, seemingly with a will of their own, gravitate to the sliver of skin exposed there. Her hair hangs in damp waves and even with sadness heavy in her eyes, she is breathtakingly beautiful. 

Alex makes a beeline to the kitchen and this time you do watch her because you suspect she is about to attempt to drink her dinner. 

You're up and moving before she can get to anything, reaching her just as her hand extends for bottle on the counter. You stop her with a gentle touch to her forearm and she looks at you questioningly. 

"Lets have dinner first, yeah? I'll order whatever you want." You think she might protest, or at least offer a sarcastic rebuttal but just quietly sighs, leaving the bottle on the counter untouched. 

You decide on pizza. Alex just shrugs at every suggestion you make and you decide if she's going to be drinking, she may as well have something greasy to soak it up. Alex still isn't talking and as you wait for the food to be delivered, her silence becomes overwhelming. You may be new at this comforting gig but you know she needs to talk, to get it out before it burns her alive. You would know. Sometimes you can still feel the scorch marks from all the unspoken pain you carried for so long. 

Alex eats one piece of pizza only after you practically beg her to do so. You don't stop her when she pours herself a drink and you accept the one she hands you. You do however, sit next to her when she settles on the couch, turning to face her. The position is awkward, given your attire, but it catches Alex's attention.

"Talk to me." your tone is forceful and for the first time all evening, you see a tiny bit of spark in Alex's eyes when she meets your gaze. 

"Lena-" she begins, her tone of voice suggests impatience but this is not time to back down. 

"I'm serious Alex. Talk to me. About anything. Nothing,. Something. It doesn't matter, you just need to talk. You're carrying all this weight and I can see it's just crushing you. Let me listen, let it out."

Her bottom lip juts out just a little and her chin quivers as tears form in her eyes. You've never seen anything as heartbreaking as Alex Danvers when she cries. Instinct kicks in, and you scoot closer, wrapping your arms around her. The angle is weird and you're basically sitting cross legged in a designer dress but when Alex relaxes into the embrace, nothing else matters. 

For a while, Alex just cries. You rub light circles on her back hoping it's enough to give her some comfort and you wait it out with her, willing to give her all the time she needs. Tears can be cathartic and as upsetting as it is to see her so sad, you know this is a positive development. 

When Alex pulls away sometime later, her eyes are red rimmed puffy but the emptiness from earlier is gone. 

"I ruined your dress." She says regretfully. You can feel the wetness from her tears on you shoulder and chest but you honestly could not care less. You'd ruin a thousand dresses if it meant making Alex feel better.

"Worth it." You reply with a wink. 

"Oh yeah, I'm sure getting tears and snot all over a dress that probably cost more than my entire wardrobe is the highlight of your evening." The sarcasm in her voice makes you smile. 

"Do you feel any better?" You ask

"Actually, I do."

"Then yes, tears and snot are the highlight of my evening." Alex smiles, just barely, and you feel your heart stutter just a little.

"Kara was right about you," She says seriously, "You really are one of the good ones."

Knowing that both Alex and Kara think of you as good when you've been called evil for so long is a great feeling, a feeling that makes you feel less alone. You offer a shy smile, not wanting Alex to see that such simple words mean so much.

//////  
Alex asks you to stay the night and you agree without any hesitation. You tell her you can send an assistant to your house to get overnight clothes but she insists you just wear something of hers. She gives you black yoga pants and a faded college t-shirt. Everything is just a little too tight and a little too long on you but the clothes are soft and smell like Alex. 

You settle comfortably on the couch as Alex heads to the kitchen to get drinks. When she comes back with bottles of water instead of the usual bourbon you make a mental note to chalk that up as progress. You don't fault Alex for using alcohol to numb her pain but it's not a long term solution and it's good to see that ebbing. 

After all the tears Alex shed tonight, you didn't expect that she'd want to talk about anything serious but as casual small talk becomes something more, you gladly listen. She tells you what happened with Maggie and though you try to remain objective, you can't help the sharp anger that bubbles up inside your chest. It's not a happy story, breakup stories never are, but when she's done telling it you can see the relief on Alex's face. She asks you questions and you trade stories for a long time until you're both talked out. You put on a movie and stretch out on the long part of the couch under a soft blanket Alex laid out. You're almost asleep when Alex gets up and heads in the direction of her bed but she's back moments later with a blanket and pillow of her own, laying down on the couch, her pillow resting close to yours so the two of you form a kind of "L" shape.

"Is this okay?" She whispers, "I don't want to accidentally kick you if I lay at the other end."

"It's perfect." The fact that she's choosing to sleep on the sofa next to you instead of in her bed alone sends a pleasant warmth to your chest. 

As you lay on someone else's couch, in someone else's home, dressed in someone else's clothes you feel more like yourself than you have in a long time. You let Alex's quiet breathing lull you to sleep. Tomorrow is a different day.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after + Lena has lunch with Kara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been pretty sick lately so forgive the mistakes as I have not had time to do any fine tuning.

You wake up the next morning to the smell of coffee and bacon, which is alarming at first. You live alone and that means someone who should not be there has invaded your space. Once the sleep clears from your head and you realize it's not some crazed intruder taking a break from planning your murder to cook breakfast, the alarm subsides. 

You slept at Alex's last night, next to her. You hear a quiet string of curse words coming from the kitchen and smile. Kara's mentioned Alex's total inability to cook and it's endearing really, how someone so smart and accomplished cannot master even the simplest of meals.

Sitting up and running your fingers through sleep tousled hair, you look over and see what's causing the profanity. Alex's back is to you, facing the stove. There's a sizzling sound followed by an annoyed sigh.

"Do you need some assistance in there?" It's hard to hide the amusement in your voice.

Alex turns around, her face flushed slightly from the heat and maybe a little from embarrassment. It's adorable.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." She sounds a little flustered but the emptiness from last night is definitely gone. 

"It's okay, I feel like I slept forever." Glancing at the wall clock tells you it's just after seven, which means you were asleep for almost eight hours. You cannot remember the last time you slept for more than three in a row.

"Me too, actually. It's been a long time since I've slept through a whole night." Something pops on the stove and Alex lets out a startled yelp. 

You're at her side in no time, taking the hand she's waving around in your own to examine the damage. She inhales sharply at the contact but doesn't pull away. 

"Are you okay?" There is a small, reddening welt on the top of her hand and without thinking about it, you rub your thumb over the burn. Looking up from your entwined hands, you find Alex staring at you intently with an expression you cannot place. 

"It's not fair," She says quietly.

"What's not fair?" 

"That you look like that first thing in the morning." She gestures in your direction with her free hand. "I mean, come on."

"That bad, huh?" You mistake the meaning of her words.

"No, that good. You're gorgeous. You don't even have to try." Alex slips her hand out of yours and turns back to the stove. If she's aware of the affect her words have on you, she's gracious enough to ignore it. 

You wish you could think of something to say in response but Alex thinks you're gorgeous and that fact short circuits your brain. Instead, you take over the cooking and tell Alex to make toast. She burns herself on that too when she touches hot metal and the bread comes out looking more like charcoal than toast. You laugh fondly and shoo her out of the kitchen and as she sits on a stool, sipping coffee, supplying idle chatter, you're struck with the domesticity of the moment. 

There is a longing for something you've never allowed yourself to hope for in this moment, the simplicity of belonging. It's easy to forget that Alex has a broken heart from a life you were not a part of, that her pain is the reason you're here. 

This time you've spent with Alex, however brief, is already changing you. You're not much more than an intimate stranger to her, an interloper who shouldn't be, but Alex is laughing at something you said and you can't help the flood of hope that maybe that's changing. 

///////////////////////////

Jess looks at you like you've grown a second head when you waltz into the office well past 10. You didn't want to leave Alex's apartment, to leave her. By the time you talked yourself into it, it was already much later than you'd normally be at your desk so by the time you go home to change and make yourself presentable, the morning is mostly over.

You instruct Jess to cancel anything you have planned for the day and though she looks like she has a million arguments, she splutters a "yes ma'am," before retreating from your office and back to her desk. A brief spike of guilt gives you pause but it feels good to have priorities other than work. 

Kara arrives with a bag full of Chinese food before you have a chance to catch up on any real work. Everything looks delicious and deep fried. You make a mental note to eat salad for dinner, both Danvers seem to be able to eat whatever they want without consequence but you don't really have that luxury and meals with Alex have consisted of delivery and bacon. 

The two of you spend some time catching up, pointedly avoiding the one thing you know Kara is desperately wanting to talk about. She's bubbly and sunny, despite everything she's been through and all the worry she is carrying. Kara tells you how strong Alex is all the time and though you agree, you can't help but notice Kara is much stronger than you've given her credit for. Not for the first time, you feel a surge of gratefulness that Kara Danvers is your friend. 

She's in the middle of a long, rambling story, one you can't really pay attention to because you know Kara and you know she's trying to figure out how to ask you about Alex without prying. 

"She's doing all right, Kara." You interrupt. She looks at you with watery eyes and your heart breaks.

"Is she? I mean she texts me sometimes but we never really talk about, about...it, you know?"

"I know." You don't want to reveal too much. It's Alex's place to open up to Kara, not yours in her stead. 

"Do you see her often?" Kara asks. 

"Pretty often." You answer honestly and you feel guilty. "I'm sorry Kara, I don't know why she let's me in, I just-"

"Don't be sorry, Lena. She sees you because you're you. You're easy to talk to. You have always been a good friend to me, I'm glad Alex has you now too." 

"She'll get there. I know she misses you, she talks about you all the time." Kara smiles at that, albeit a little sadly.

"I get it, you know. She doesn't have to pretend to be okay or happy or anything else with you, she can just be." Her voice is so quiet you have to strain to hear her, "Alex has always had to be there for me, it's hard for her to turn that off."

"Kara..." You don't really know how to respond to that but she cuts you off before you can even try.

"Just keep being there for her, okay? Please?"

"Of course. I care about Alex. A lot. I care about you too, Kara. I'm here for you too." 

"I know." She says it so matter-of-factly that you can't help feel a little bit of pride. If you accomplish nothing else in this life, this will be enough; to know you are relied upon, to have people on whom you can rely. It may seem simple but it's something you never thought you'd have.

Kara moves on to easier topics and the rest of lunch goes by smoothly. You make her promise to call you soon to set up another time to get together. There is a weight lifted off you when Kara leaves, all smiles and hugs. This morning has been one of your most productive, despite getting little to no work done, how odd that it should be so. 

Jess is in your office the moment Kara leaves. She looks concerned and flustered and you want to laugh but you restrain yourself because you're pretty sure that would just cause her to call a physiatrist and have you committed. 

"Ms. Luthor, I know you said to cancel everything for today but a MediLab rep has called four times for you." If she talks any faster, you'll recommend she takes up a career as an auctioneer. 

"Oh, the tour!" You exclaim. MediLab is a state of the art facility based in Japan. LCorp recently provided funds to open a satellite office in National City and they've been trying to get you to take a private tour, to see how your money is being utilized. 

Taking the message from Jess, you tell her to leave for the day. Honestly, you're concerned she may have an aneurysm at this rate. She gives you another incredulous look but doesn't argue. 

Your mind immediately goes to Alex, she has a medical background. MediLab specializes in robotics, making machines for medical use. The pitch you heard that really got you interested in investing in their company involved microscopic machines that could perform certain procedures for a fraction of the cost. You imagine taking this technology to third world countries when it's ready. It could really make a difference. Alex likes technology and medicine. You wonder if you could talk her into coming with you on this tour?

With that thought on your mind, you phone the rep back and tell her that you will be bringing a highly qualified guest with you and set up the tour for tomorrow.

You take out your cell phone and notice several texts from Alex. Instead of replying by text, you call her. After only one ring, she picks up.

"Hey, you." She answers. It's an achingly familiar greeting and you can't help the smile that tugs at your lips.

"Hey yourself. I have a question slash favor to ask you."

"Shoot." 

You launch into a detailed pitch about why she should come to the tour with you. You're not sure why you want her there so badly but you really do. 

"Slow down, Lena." She interrupts, laughing. " I'd be happy to tag along. Sheesh, I can see how you got to where you are in business. It's difficult to say no to you isn't it?" 

"Well that's the idea," You're suddenly happy this conversation is happening over the phone. The blush that's rising high on your cheeks and chest is hard to miss. 

"I have a favor to ask you too," Alex says after her giggling has died down.

"Yes." You say on reflex

"You don't even know what I'm going to ask!"

"True, but I'll say yes to anything." Okay, that sounded bad...

"I'll keep that in mind." The teasing tone in her voice makes you blush even harder. "I talked to Kara just now."

"That's great, Alex." 

"It is but I um, I invited her over. Not tonight, in a couple days. I'll be ready in a couple days. I think. Here's the favor part...could you come too? This is so weird to even ask but I just want you there."

"Of course." It's an automatic response. In truth, you know you'd do anything she asked and that's only slightly alarming at this point. "I'm here for whatever you need."

"I don't deserve you." She says it so quietly you're pretty sure she didn't mean to say that out loud.

"Alex..." you want to dispute that. If anything, you don't deserve to be in her life. You're just Lena, nobody has ever treated you like anything special, certainly not like this. You're completely off your game here but for some reason it doesn't terrify you. 

" I feel like something greasy for dinner," Alex changes the subject.

"Ummm, no. I haven't seen you eat a vegetable in days. I haven't eaten a vegetable in days!" She's laughing at your elevated tone

"Fine! What restaurant delivers vegetables then?"

"How about I just make something?"

"Better you than me, I still can't feel the pads of my finger." 

You laugh at the memory and agree that you better do the cooking tonight. Promising to be at her apartment before seven, you hang up the phone.

Belatedly, you realize that you basically invited yourself over to Alex's and what's more, she sounded like she was already counting on your presence. You do have a few things to do before the tour tomorrow, so you decide not to spend the night with Alex and are surprised when it's disappointment rather than relief that come with that decision. 

There is definitely confusion over what all this means but as you head out of work early so you can get to the store and change clothes, you cannot help the lightness you feel. Whatever is happening, wherever this new journey takes you, you're going to welcome it with open arms.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena comes to a realization and struggles with an internal conflict. Alex and Lena tour MediLab and have a discussion about Kara's upcoming visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got away from me, it's a little more angsty than I originally intended but hopefully Lena's thought process comes through. 
> 
> Also, please forgive the brevity of the tour scene. I work in law enforcement and my knowledge of medicine and technology is rudimentary at best.
> 
> All mistakes are mine, I do intend to clean this up at some point but I wanted to get an update posted ASAP. Thank you for all the comments and kudos, very motivational!

Your fist is mid air, poised to knock on Alex's door, when you hear what sounds like the shattering of glass. 

"Alex?!" You shout through the closed door. You're over an hour early, hoping you can talk Alex into letting you take her to breakfast.

"Hey Lena, come in! Door is unlocked, I can't really move right now." She yells back. 

Concerned by the response coupled with the sound, you rush into the apartment. Alex is standing perfectly still, clad in nothing but towels, one wrapped around her body, the other in her hair. When you round the corner and see glass and what appears to be coffee pooled around her feet, you gasp sharply. 

"Yeah, uh, so this is how my morning is going so far. How's yours?" There's enough sarcasm in Alex's voice that you breathe a sigh of relief.

"Stay still," you advise unnecessarily. Grabbing a mop from next to the fridge, you push the mess into a pile. Putting a hand on Alex's waist to guide her away from the glass you immediately regret the placement of your touch when your mind registers that there is only a towel between your fingers and her bare skin. 

"Thank you." She says, a bit shakily. The blush that blooms prettily down her chest draws your eyes to the still exposed skin there and you clear your throat before directing her to sit on the couch so you can look at her feet. 

There's a little cut on her big toe, which you notice only because your eyes are glued to the dark pink polish there. You can't resist running the pad of your thumb over the shiny surface and your mind doesn't register your actions until you hear Alex inhale sharply. 

"There's a little sliver of glass here," nice recovery you think, "I'll get tweezers, don't move."

Escaping into the bathroom, you give yourself a moment to breathe. You've noticed how attractive Alex is, of course you have, but what you're feeling now is something...more. 

There isn't exactly a deep well of past experience for you to draw on when it comes to these matters. You've been in two relationships, well been with two people. Calling them relationships is being generous. There was Jack, who you fell for over time. There was never a raw, crazy attraction, not like this and though you look back on him fondly (and with sadness) the experience isn't helping now. Then there was Kat. Beautiful and charming, she swept you off your feet but you were so young and inexperienced it never went very far. 

You can be attracted to someone, you decide, without acting on it. It's a very mature decision and you mentally pat yourself on the back, grab the tweezers and head back out to the living room.  
Now that your conscious has caught up with your unconscious desires, the innocent things you notice about Alex become decidedly less innocent. She's sitting in the same spot you left her, leg propped up on the ottoman. Her entire body is folded in half as she fiddles with the sliver in her toe and you're incredibly flustered by the length of her legs. When you try to respectfully divert your gaze, it lands on the muscles in her back, more specifically the ones in her shoulder that strain against the odd angle of her reach. 

You try to clear your throat but it comes out closer to a moan and Alex's attention is instantly yours. 

"I think I made it worse," she pouts, "and I have no coffee. Ugh. Very specific first world problems."

"Let me get it out, then I'll go get you coffee while you finish getting ready. Deal?" You can't help but laugh a little at the stage pout Alex still wears. 

"Coffee and wound debriding?! Be still my heart." She's teasing, you know she's teasing, but it still hits you harder than it should. You decide to play along, the old adage about paying with fire ringing distantly in the recesses of your mind 

"I provide many services Ms. Danvers," at that she raises a sculpted eyebrow and you fight the urge to break eye contact.

"I bet you do," she mumbles under her breath 

By the time you get the small piece of glass out of Alex's foot, you're beyond flustered. There is an odd mixture of relief and a feeling of loss when she disappears behind the bathroom door to finish getting ready. You clean up the mess on the floor and slip out of the apartment to get coffee as quickly as possible, hoping the short walk and fresh air will clear your head. 

You know exactly how Alex takes her coffee and you rattle of an order to a barista who cannot be older than 16. The fact that you know her coffee order so well doesn't seem odd but as you wait for your drinks, the list of things you've memorized about Alex seems inordinately long. She runs in the early morning, even now when she barely leaves the house. She listens to classical music when she's working out and heavy metal when she reads. She doesn't really like vegetables but stays away from sugar in the morning. She takes two deep breaths before she asks or says anything that's difficult. She cries almost silently but her chest vibrates with the effort. She's beautiful all the time but dressed down in PJ's, fresh faced and relaxed, that's your favorite. 

It's not just an attraction, you realize with a jolt of panic. You have feelings for Alex Danvers. You're incredibly experienced at keeping your outward appearance calm and collected while you internally freak out and that comes in handy now, given the sharp anxiety that's taken up residence inside of you.

Alex is going through something extremely difficult, you're still the only person she allows in her daily life and she needs a friend, not some lovestruck puppy following her around. What a horrible time to catch feelings. 

On top of the glaringly obvious reason you've already come up with, there's several more. You haven't known Alex long, though the time you've spent with her has been intense and you know more about her than almost anyone else in your life, offered more of yourself than you ever have, still it hasn't been long. Do these things require a specific timeline, you wonder? Even if the answer is no and even if Alex feels the same, you're afraid of being a rebound. 

There's nobody you can talk to about any of this. Normally, you'd go to Kara for what she refers to as, "girl talk," but that's out of the question now. Kara presents another reason why these feelings are terribly inconvenient. You have feelings for your best friends big sister, it's cliché at best, a betrayal at worst. She told you to look after Alex and this, you're sure, is not at all what she meant. 

The barista calls your name and, judging by the annoyed tone of her voice, it's not the first time she's had to do so. You take the tray of coffee with an apologetic smile.

An easy solution to your predicament doesn't present itself so you decide to do what you do best; repress. Alex needs you and if you're being completely honest with yourself, you need her too. You're excellent at faking it, a skill you have honed over the years, and that's what you'll do now. She deserves better than a friend with an ulterior motive, nothing is more important to you than Alex's well being.  
You promised yourself not to be afraid, to welcome this experience with open arms. You were naive, thinking this newfound connection could be as simple as friendship and now that you recognize it for what it is, you're terrified. Terror is most certainly not a new feeling for you and distance from Alex is unfathomable, so you'll deal. 

/////////////////////

Alex is mid makeup when you get back with coffee, bent over the bathroom sink applying eyeliner. The concentration on her face is hilarious and you can't help but giggle. 

"Hey, don't make fun of me. This is a delicate process!" She shouts, voice echoing off the bathroom tile.

"I'd never make fun but I will say that I've seen you read medical journals with less intense concentration."

"Yeah, well, this isn't as easy. Or as fun." She replies seriously. Of course Alex would prefer complicated science over simple makeup application. She's not making this repression any easier, not that it's her responsibility to do so.

"I've got coffee when you're finished." The laughter is still in your voice. She shoots you a look that can only be described as the physical manifestation of the "f" word and that just makes the laughter start up all over again. This level of familiarity is comforting, given your recent thought process, and you let it sooth some of your frazzled nerves. 

You're sitting on the couch, sipping your coffee, when Alex emerges from the bathroom and you get a good look at what she's wearing; a fitted, black blazer with sleeves that fall just below her elbows over a flowing white tank top that has geometric designs that seem to sparkle paired with black trousers that may as well have been painted on and short boots with a sensible heel. 

"Wow," You exclaim before you can stop yourself, "you look amazing." 

"Yeah?" She asks uncertainly, pulling at the bottom of her blazer.

"Definitely." 

"Thank you. You look great, too. I meant to say that earlier but with the coffee and the glass..." Alex trails off when you giggle, self consciously. "I almost wore jeans, I swear you said casual, but then you show up looking super fancy and I didn't want to look like a slob in comparison."

"You would not look like a slob in jeans, besides, I thought this was casual?" You gesture to your outfit as you stand up; a green sleeveless shirt with tailored white slacks. You're heels match the color of your blouse. You even put your hair up in a high pony tail, that's pretty casual in your opinion. 

"Oh, yeah. No." Her voice carries an over exaggerated contemplation. "You really don't get the concept of casual do you? 

"I guess not." 

"Just stick with me, I'll have you in jeans and hoodies in no time." Alex says with a teasing lilt but you like the sound of it anyway. 

Alex insists on finishing her coffee before you leave the apartment, recounting this mornings earlier mishap and the fact that you're both wearing white as empirical evidence that she cannot be trusted to walk and/or drive with a beverage in hand. She also insists on driving so you send your driver away before climbing into her mammoth SUV as delicately as possible, thankful you didn't wear a dress today. 

You're running too late to stop for breakfast and decide on brunch after the tour. Five minutes into the trip, you're grateful you have an empty stomach. Surely, this is some kind of tactical driving Alex has learned during her time as an agent because there is no way this is just the normal way she drives. You're doing your best to school your features and body language so that they don't convey your terror but Alex notices anyway.

"Oh, shoot. I'm so sorry." She says, slowing down immediately. "I am so used to having Kara or, or Maggie (She only stumbles over the name a little) in here, I forget I have to ease people into my driving." 

"It's okay," your body relaxes a great deal. "It seems a very...efficient way to get around." 

"Oh, it is!" Alex smiles mischievously and it's adorable. Also, kind of terrifying, but mostly adorable. "You'll get used to it eventually." 

That is the second time this morning she's included you in a future tense. It seems silly to notice, but you do.

///////////////////////////////

The MediLab building is impressive to say the least. You've seen several schematics and blueprints but the actual sight of it is much more than you were expecting. Alex seems just as impressed. 

"Holy cow!" She whispers as you step into the lobby. There is a huge, staircase in the middle of the building. It looks like it's made of glass though you're sure it has to be some sort of plastic, and it looks almost invisible. Holy cow indeed.

A man in a suit, who introduces himself as Ryan, appears as soon as the two of you approach the massive front desk. You've never met him but he seems to know exactly who you are which is not surprising. He has to be at least six and a half feet tall and to be honest, looks like a "dude bro," a term Alex taught you not long ago. Based on the side eye she gives you, she's thinking the same thing. 

You dislike him as soon as he introduces himself to Alex. He was very professional when he shook your hand but he holds hers between his own for far too long and his tone of voice is overly intimate when he asks her name. He's flirting with her and though she seems 100% oblivious, you certainly are not. 

Luckily, before you say or do anything out of character, an older woman with silver-gray hair and an elegance you can only hope to achieve by that age, makes her way down the staircase. She kind of looks like a queen and despite the negative emotions that image stirs in you, you like her immediately. 

"That will be all Ryan, thank you." She has a British accent which lends itself well to her regal appearance. Ryan seems annoyed at being dismissed and gives Alex a not so subtle once over before he vanishes down a hall way and you wish you had Supergirl's laser vision, if even for a few seconds.

"Miss Luthor, I presume." The woman hold her hand out and you take it with a small smile. "I'm Francis Burgess." You recognize the name immediately, this place or the idea to expand this place, is her brain child. She's the one you've corresponded with over the last year. Normally, you would never invest this kind of money without an in person meeting but Ms. Burgess is an incredibly busy woman and this investment was too important to pass up.

"It's so nice to meet you face to face, Ms. Burgess." You say as you slip your hand from hers. 

"Please, call me Francis. I think you've earned that right." Her words are sincere and you accept the loss of formality gratefully. "Who is this lovely young lady?" She asks turning her attention to Alex

Alex introduces herself with just her name so you take the opportunity to add that she has a medical background, several degrees and more experience with technology than anyone on your staff. Francis seems impressed and though Alex flushes at the praise, there is an unmistakable pride in her shy smile and it makes you proud too. 

The tour is detailed and you are very impressed by the projects that the technicians and doctors here are working on but when you're led into a lab that puts the rest of the building to shame, your jaw drops. Alex gasps beside you and you know she is equally stunned. Francis introduces you to a woman in a lab coat who is the head of development for the micro machines that originally peaked your interest in this company.  
You ask a few questions but quickly realize this is Alex's strong suit, medicine, technology, asking all the right things, so you allow her to do so and just observe. Your mind wanders to all the ways you could use this advancement to bring basic, lifesaving healthcare to people in need and that thrills you. 

Not to be immodest, but you're not often made to feel intellectually inferior. As you listen to Alex speak, however, you feel just that. She's so intelligent. You knew that, of course you did, but seeing her in this environment is like seeing a whole new side of her, one that you really admire. You normally do not like being shown up, but all you feel now is awe. 

When the tour ends, Alex is practically bouncing with excitement. As you walk back to her car, she grabs onto your arm with both hands and your heart nearly stops at the contact. 

"Oh my God, that was incredible. Your job is awesome! I never realized how much good your company does. Not only that but, wow, it was like Star Trek level stuff in there." The reference goes right over your head but her energy is contagious and you allow yourself to be in the moment.

"I'm really hopeful about this endeavor, I think some of the advancements this company will bring to the table will help a lot of people who really need it."

Alex hums in agreement. As you reach the vehicle, you take the keys out of your purse and hand them to her (her pants were too tight to fit them in her pocket), a quiet beep signals the door has been unlocked and Alex catches you off guard when she opens the passenger side door for you, offering her hand to help you climb in. It's a sweet gesture and silently curse the butterflies in your stomach that appear because of it. 

The tour took longer than you were expecting so it's well past brunch by the time you're headed back toward National City. 

"I'm literally starving to death," Alex announces, "Let me take you to lunch? The brunch window has closed, sadly"

"I think we need to discuss the meaning of the word, 'literally,' but I am also hungry. Lunch sounds perfect." 

"Well, smart-ass, just for that I'm taking you somewhere with no vegetables." She says with mock offense.

"No! Please, I'll behave I swear. I need something green!" 

"There is no need to behave. Where's the fun in that?" The teasing alone causes a sharp intake of breath but when she raises an eyebrow and smirks in your direction, you feel heat rise to your face and Alex seems delighted by your reaction. 

"Ummm..." you're not great at this.

"How about sushi? Is that healthy enough for you?" Mercifully, she let's you off the hook.

Alex pulls up to a restaurant you've never heard of and helps you out of the car again. Maybe she noticed you struggle getting in this morning but whatever the reason, you decide you enjoy it. 

The decor inside is hideously tacky, your senses are accosted by red and gold and there are way too many hanging lanterns and dragons for your liking. 

"I know, it's ugly. Give it a chance, the food is good. I swear." Alex whispers in your ear as a hostess leads you to a table. At least, you think that's what she said. Her breath that close to your ear is insanely distracting. 

The food is actually really good and the company is even better. Tuning out the garish ambiance is easier than you thought it would be. Alex's phone vibrates on the table and she picks it up, reading a text and sending off a reply.

"It's Kara," she says, waving her phone for emphasis. "She's making sure I didn't change my mind about tomorrow. You're still coming, right?" There is a vulnerable hopefulness in her question that makes your heart skip a beat.

"Of course," you answer softly, "wouldn't miss it." 

"Good. Thank you."

"No need to thank me. I look forward to it. Does Kara know I'll be there?"

"Yeah, I told her." She says it solemnly 

"I don't want to intrude on sister time, I hope she's not upset." The last thing you want to do is step on Kara's toes anymore than you already have.

"She's not upset. I think you underestimate how much Kara likes you. She's worried I don't want to be alone with her, but that's not it at all." 

"What is it then?" You keep your tone gentle but Alex still looks at you sadly.

"I didn't handle this very well. I haven't seen my sister in a month, I took time off work. It's kind of embarrassing. I don't want Kara to be disappointed in me, I don't think I can take it. You've been the one consistently positive thing in my life lately and you never judge me, at least not out loud," She chuckles at her joke, " I need you there in case she is upset with me, hell, in case she's not. I just need you. I realize I'm being unreasonably needy but..."

You feel like crying at Alex's confession. When was the last time anyone told you they needed you? If there was a time before this, you cannot remember it. Instead of allowing the tears to flow, you take her hand and promise to be there for whatever she needs, to keep being a consistent and hopefully positive presence. These feelings, you realize, are not going to go away but helping Alex get back to some semblance of happiness is an important goal and for now, at least, it's enough.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sister night (with Lena of course).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Halfway there, at least I think. May end up with a couple extra chapters at this rate. This chapter is super fluffy and light, a nice reprieve before I introduce a little angst and a hurdle. Don't worry though, I'm a sucker for a happy ending.
> 
> Question...should I include an M rated scene later in this story or keep it T and do a stand alone when I finish this one?

You should feel out of place here, watching Alex and Kara laugh and talk like no time has passed at all. You should feel like an intruder, you have worried about just that since Alex asked you to be present for this reunion, but you don't feel that at all. 

Kara is sitting on the floor, leaning against your leg while you reply to emails on your laptop from a spot on the couch that has become decidedly, "yours." Alex is sitting next her, also on the floor which baffles you as there is a perfectly acceptable place to sit on actual furniture.

Alex is showing Kara something on her phone and they are both reduced to a mass of giggles. You're doing your best to be present without eavesdropping. You had Jess call you earlier with a fake emergency but the panic in Alex's eyes when you made to leave halted that plan in it's tracks. As long as you're in the room, she's okay. 

As you watch the sisters interact, you know for a fact that it's not Kara that Alex is weary of, it's herself. You represent some type of tangible strength that Alex can hold onto and it's a crutch, of course you know this, but you don't mind. 

"Okay, movie time!" Kara announces, hopping to her feet with a remarkable quickness. 

"Kara, no. You don't get to pick, I can't stomach a romantic comedy." Alex makes a fake gagging sound and you cannot help but smirk while remaining as disengaged as possible.

"Allleeeex..." Kara whines. It's way too cute to be annoying. 

The two of them scramble to the TV stand, going for the remote and you catch a small glimpse into what their childhood must have been like. You know Kara was adopted as a young teenager, but still, the years they spent together growing up must have been amazing. Kara tells you stories all the time and you often feel a little jealous at the bond she and Alex share. Being here with them now, though, it's not jealousy you feel; it's happiness. 

"Lena!" Kara's voice still carries a hint of a whine and you look up to see Alex holding the remote, a victorious expression gracing her face. "Back me up, she wants to watch a horror movie!!" 

"Ha! She likes horror now, so there." Alex responds before you have a chance to.

"You corrupted her?! How could you, Alex? You already have James and Winn on your side, now Lena too? Not fair." She's full on pouting now. 

You don't even mind that they're talking about you like you're not there. Usually, that would drive you mad but they are grouping you in with their other friends, people both women have repeatedly referred to as family, and you're too thrilled with that fact to be bothered by the delivery.

"Corrupted is a strong word," Alex argues. Apparently, your help is not needed so you go back to the emails you've neglected for the past few days, listening to the banter continue. "I'd say persuaded is more accurate." 

"Fine!" Kara relents. Her exasperation is fabricated, you can tell. She's obviously enjoying the normalcy of the evening. "Watch your stupid scary movie but I don't want to hear any complaining when I have to sleep here." 

"As long as you don't snore, I'll deal." The triumphant edge in Alex's voice makes you smile.

"You're a traitor." Kara whispers with mock outrage as she plops down next to you on the sofa. "A traitorous traitor." 

You close your laptop and put it on the coffee table before turning your attention to Kara.

"I'm sorry?" You're too amused to be truly regretful.

"No you're not! Ugh, Alex has you wrapped around her finger." Surely that is an innocent statement and you try desperately not to react to it. "See if I bring you donuts anymore!" Kara bumps your shoulder with hers, giving you a side smile. As she leans into you slightly, you know for sure she's only teasing and you breathe a sigh of relief. 

Alex hums while she makes popcorn and she seems lighter somehow, almost giddy. Kara is smiling and relaxed beside you. You knew Alex needed this, needs her sister to fully heal, but watching Kara you realize she needs Alex just as much and you feel fortunate to be present in this moment. 

The movie is so much scarier than you were anticipating and Kara isn't handling it well. Alex is sitting on the floor next to Kara's feet but there is so much flouncing and after Kara kicks her twice, she gets up and moves to sit on the floor beside you, glaring at her sister the whole way.

"Well, Alex, I'm scared! I can't control my reaction. It's your fault you keep getting kicked. So..." Kara defends herself.

"Wow, you should be in politics with that kind of reasoning, you'd fit right in." Alex shoots back.

Kara clutches her chest dramatically, "that is the worst thing you've ever said to me!" 

Laughter bubbles up inside of you. Watching them banter back and forth is adorable and seeing your best friend and the woman who means so much to you happy makes you happy too.

As the movie plays on, Kara becomes increasingly distraught and Alex wordlessly turns it off, playing something that you've never seen but that seems suspiciously like a romantic comedy.

Kara breathes a sigh of relief but doesn't verbalize it. You catch Alex's eye and raise and eyebrow, she just winks in response. You're perfectly content, relaxed even, until Alex leans back and rests her head on your knee.

Kara has always been touchy-feely with you and the more comfortable Alex gets, the more she does the same but it affects you on a whole different level. 

You try to focus on the movie but the temptation to run your fingers through Alex's hair is too great and you give in. It's just as soft as you imagined (not that you spend a lot of time imagining that...) and she closes her eyes when your fingers reach her scalp, leaning into the touch.

The interaction is platonic, friendly even, to anyone looking in. Kara doesn't pay the two of you any mind. Alex seems relaxed, taking comfort from the gesture, open and unguarded. 

You have to remind yourself of your place here, all the reasons why falling for this woman isn't a good idea and after several attempts, you allow yourself to just be in the moment. 

Now that you have this, whatever it is, you cannot imagine going back to the loneliness of your old life. Your given family takes every opportunity to hurt you, to use you, to betray you. You are still cleaning up messes they made, making amends for behavior out of your control. Dysfunction is all you have ever known and the word family holds nothing but pain. Sitting here with Alex and Kara, though, makes you feel like you're part of something familial and risking that because of feelings you aren't even sure are reciprocated, is foolish.

Soft snoring beside you alerts you to the fact that Kara has fallen asleep. Alex opens her eyes when your caress stops, following your line of sight to her sleeping sister. 

Silently working in tandem as though you've done it for years, you and Alex manage to get Kara to lie down on the couch and drape a soft throw blanket over her sleeping form. Alex motions for you to follow her to the small dining table at the other end of her apartment. 

Sitting down at the table, you watch Alex make a pit stop in the kitchen. She grabs a bottle of wine from the fridge and two glasses before taking a seat across from you. 

"That girl can fall asleep anywhere, it's like a gift." She says as as she pops the cork on the already open bottle of wine. Pouring some into both glasses, she slides one to you. 

"Thank you," you take a sip of the chardonnay. Despite the chill of the wine, a pleasant warmth fills your chest. "This is good!"

"I'm sure you're used to much better quality, but this does the trick." She raises her glass and you do the same. 

"Are we toasting something specific?" You ask over the light clink of the wine glasses.

"Yes."

"Care to share?"

"I feel...hopeful, like everything will be okay. It's a silly reason to celebrate, I know, but I feel good."

"That's the best reason to celebrate I've ever heard." You reply sincerely. Alex smiles so widely, her whole face lights up and you follow suit, her happiness is contagious. 

"I'm going back to work on Monday." She announces after a beat, "I've had enough sulking." 

"That's fantastic!" Your voice goes up in volume, caught up in the moment. You glance sheepishly toward the couch and though Kara is hidden from view, you don't see any signs that she's woken up so you lower your voice and continue. "You weren't sulking, though. That's not what this was."

"I appreciate that. I appreciate everything, Lena. You'll never know how much." 

You have to swallow the lump in your throat. You want to tell her that you've felt more like yourself with her than you ever have. You want to tell her that she's changed you and that you're the one who appreciates everything but you can't form the words, wouldn't even know where to start, so you offer a shy smile and take another drink.

"I'm kind of nervous," Alex says quietly, "excited and nervous. Mostly nervous."

"That's normal, I think. Once you get through the first day back, the rest will be smooth sailing. Just like tonight." You have the utmost confidence in her, though you understand the nerves.

"Too bad I can't take you with me." She says regretfully. "You help. With everything."

"How about I meet you for lunch?" You offer, "if it gets really stressful, I'll come before then. Anytime you want."

"What about work? I can't ask you to do that."

"You didn't ask, I offered." You counter. "Besides, being the boss has its perks. I can leave whenever I want."

"Yeah?" She still sounds skeptical. 

You lean across the table, whispering conspiratorially. "I'd rather be with you than trapped in some boring meeting anyway. You'll be doing be a favor." 

Alex must read the truth in your words because she lets it drop with a nod and a smile. 

The rest of the bottle disappears in the comfortable silence between the two of you. The minutes slip by just as easily and before you know it, it's past midnight.

"I'm going to head home, Alex." You say gently while sending a text to your car service. There is the same flash of panic from earlier in her eyes, but it disappears so quickly you might have imagined it.

"I'll walk you out, keep you company til your car gets here?" She's already putting the wine glasses in the sink and slipping into her jacket. You do the same and the two of you leave the apartment as quietly as possible.

As you stand in the lobby, Alex turns to you. Her face is serious and a little sad.

"Hey," you whisper, "you okay?"

"You're not going to leave, right?" She asks, so softly but the question still echoes in the empty room.

"Well I already called a car so..." 

"No. I don't mean tonight. I mean now that I have Kara again and I'm going back to work." She hesitates, trying to order her thoughts. "Now that I'm not broken."

"Alex, look at me." You step into her personal space, dipping your eyes to catch hers. She looks at you with an expression you can't place exactly, hope maybe, and open vulnerability. "I'm not going to leave, okay? I'm not going to leave you." 

"Okay." She replies with a small smile and you think, you hope, she believes you. 

Headlights appear behind the plate glass of the double doors and you recognize the car that stops in front. You press a kiss to Alex's cheek, her skin is soft and warm under your lips. 

"I'll see you tomorrow." You promise. 

You see her bring a hand to her face, touching the spot where your lips had just been and you catch a small smile before slipping into the back seat of the vehicle. There are not many things you're sure of in this life, but being a part of Alex's is one of them. You'll see her tomorrow. Its a start.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex goes back to work but it doesn't go as smoothly as hoped, at least not at first. Alex has news Lena doesn't want to hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This seems a tad rushed to me but I want to move the story along to the good part, or what I think is the good part anyway!
> 
> Lena has a house in my universe.
> 
> This is a little sad and I'm sorry.

On her first day back at work, Alex ends up asking you to meet her much earlier than the originally planned lunch time. At first, you're happy that she took you up on your offer to come anytime she called because it means she knows she can count on you, that you won't leave. Immediately after you feel happiness, however, you feel concern. If she needs to get out of work so early in the day, it means something is wrong.

Alex texts you the address to a café fairly close to your office and as soon as she spots you walking through the door, she launches herself into your arms. You're taken aback, she's usually not this overtly affectionate, but you return the embrace without hesitation. 

Several patrons watch the interaction with obvious curiosity but you ignore them and it doesn't appear that Alex is even aware of the onlookers. As soon as you feel her body relax, you push gently on her shoulders so that you can see her face. Letting your hands trail down the soft fabric of her sweater, you take her hands in yours, only then do her eyes meet yours. 

"Hi there," you say, keeping your voice low and steady, "let's go sit down, yeah?" 

Alex doesn't respond verbally but she nods and, without dropping either of your hands, leads you to a booth in the back corner of the small dining area. She won't give up the contact and you're forced to sit next to her, not that you mind at all, in fact you revel in the closeness. 

"I'm so sorry, Lena." Alex whispers after a beat. Her gaze is fixed on the table in front of you and she lets go of your hands so she can pick idily at an invisible spot on it's surface. 

"Sweetheart, look at me" the endearment falls unbidden from your lips but it serves its purpose, Alex looks up and focuses her attention on you. "You have nothing to be sorry for, do you hear me?" 

"Yeah," she says. Her voice is watery and unsure.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" You ask carefully.

Alex takes a measured breath before responding, "Nothing. Not really. Everyone is being so nice but they all keep looking at me with pity. I feel pathetic and I can't focus. It's so stupid, I shouldn't have bothered you..."

"You are never a bother, Alex." It comes out more forcefully than you intended and when she flinches, you soften your tone. "Your feelings are not stupid. You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. It's braver to let yourself feel than to repress everything. Be gentle with yourself, you're going to get there."

"How do you always know what to say to make me feel better?" Alex asks with a hesitant smile.

"It's the truth, that's all."

"Thank you, Lena."

You're not sure what she's thanking you for but when she captures your hand in hers, squeezing gently, you realize it doesn't matter. Kara was right, you are wrapped around Alex's finger and cannot even bring yourself to be embarrassed by that fact.

After nearly two hours of quiet conversation and several cups of coffee, Alex is much calmer and far more caffeinated. 

"I'm going to try this whole adulting thing again tomorrow," she announces, "I think I'll play hookie this afternoon." 

"Sweet," you reply a little too enthusiastically, "where to now?"

"I'm okay, Lena. You've helped me so much already, you can definitely go back to work, I've waisted enough of your time." She sounds uncertain and you honestly can't tell if she wants to be alone or is just afraid to ask for company.

"Uh, why do I have to adult? Seems very unfair if you ask me." Alex chuckles at your reply, a genuine smile tugging at her lips. "Unless you need to be alone, I'll play hookie with you. Either way, just tell me what you need."

"You're really not sick of me yet?"

"No. Pretty sure I never will be."

"And I'm not keeping you from anything important?"

"Nothing more important than a break from adulting." You deadpan.

Alex smiles again, bigger this time. She's so beautiful. "Movie or shopping?"

"Both?"

"Okay, you really are perfect." Not even close, but her words make you blush. 

"Movie first?"

"Sounds like a plan."

Of course Alex wants to see a scary movie and of course you agree. It's part devotion that keeps you from objecting but you also feel braver when you're with her. You cannot remember the last time you saw a movie in a theater. There have been a couple screenings, sure. The social circle you inhabit, or used to, has few perks but that's always been one you enjoy. Being here with Alex at a public movie theater, that smells questionable at best, is a far superior experience and you doubt it has anything to do with the ambience.

When the movie ends, your stomach hurts from the amount of buttered popcorn you've consumed and your heart is still beating too fast from all the jump scares but you have never felt better. 

Shopping with Alex is an experience. She takes you to the mall and insists that you get some jeans. The afternoon becomes an impromptu fashion show. The measure of a good pair of jeans, apparently, is how good they make your butt look.

"Turn around." Alex commands for the umpteenth time. Your rear end has never received so much scrutiny. "How does every pair you try on look perfect on you?" 

"While I appreciate the compliment, that's blatantly untrue. Do you not recall bedazzled pair from like twenty minutes ago?"

"Oh, I very much recall those. I'm saving that image for a rainy day." She winks at you theatrically and you blush hard at her teasing. 

You end up buying several pairs of jeans, mostly just to appease Alex. This afternoon has been the most fun you've had in a while and you have a sneaking suspicion it has everything to do with your company and very little to do with how you spent your adulting break. Alex seems rejuvenated like this is exactly what she needed.

//////////////////////////////

Alex fairs much better the rest of the week, though she does insist on bringing lunch to your office everyday. She says it's to make up for dragging you away on Monday but you hope your presence is as calming for her as hers is for you. 

By Friday, Alex seems to be back in the swing of things. She asks you to go play pool with her after work and you agree immediately, despite having no idea how to play. Together, you decide to steer clear of the alien bar. It's still a place that reminds Alex of Maggie and though the wound is far less painful, she tells you, it's a shadow she's not ready to face. Neither one of you is too sure how a Luthor would be received in the establishment. Alex promises that she will kick the ass of anyone who so much as looks at you sideways if you want to go and you have no doubt that she's serious, but between the memories and threat of violence, it's not worth it.

Neither one of you have been to the bar you decide on. It appears to be a sports bar, which has never really been your scene, but its fairly clean and mostly devoid of other people and that suits you just fine. The lack of other patrons is especially fortunate given your ineptitude for all things pool related. 

"I cannot believe how bad I am at this!" You exclaim in frustration after you miss the cue ball for the third consecutive time.

"You're good at everything else, I'm glad we finally found something you suck at!" Alex says in between fits of laughter. 

You glare at her but its half hearted. You're still having fun. That is until you give up on pool and find a table. You order drinks and as soon as they arrive Alex looks pensive. You can tell she has something to say. 

"So..." She starts out. That's rarely a good sign. "Winn wants to set me up on a date."

Okay. Ouch. "Really? With who?" You do your best to keep your voice even. It's mostly working.

"His allergist actually. I guess she's new in town. God knows how I became the subject of conversation but apparently he mentioned me and showed her my picture and she's interested."

"Of course she is." It comes out more accusation than compliment so you clear your throat and try again. "Are you going to go?"

"I dunno. I mean it's a little weird, right?"

"Well..."

"And it'd basically be a blind date." She cuts you off, which is just as well. What can you even say? "I don't even know how to date. What if it's too soon? They say getting back on the horse, so to speak, is the best cure but..should I?"

"If you want to?" Your mouth is moving without your say so at this point, "I mean maybe getting back out there will be a good thing." What in the hell are you doing? You want to yell, to beg her not to go but you don't. This woman is a doctor. Her family probably isn't evil, doesn't try to kill her and/or her friends on a semi annual basis. She probably has never inadvertently almost brought about an alien apocalypse, isn't hounded by the media or under constant scrutiny. She's probably not as broken as you are, probably has much more to offer. Alex deserves happiness, she deserves everything, is it selfish to want yourself to be the one who gives it to her? Suddenly, you're sure that it is.

A look flashes across Alex's face and you think it looks like hurt and disappointment. Did she want you to discourage this? It's gone before you can think too much about it.

"Then I guess I'll go. It'll be fine, right?"

All you can do is nod and smile weakly. It takes the entire cocktail in front of you to calm your racing heart and you order two more just to keep the rising despair at bay.

Excusing yourself early, you blame a sudden headache. It's a poor lie but if Alex notices she doesn't let on. Instead, she walks you to the car you called, hugs you quickly and tells you to call her if you need anything. You feel guilty for feigning illness but you're sure if you spend another second with her, you'll do something stupid like confess your feelings and that might ruin everything.

When you get back to your house, you pour yourself a glass of wine and get into a hot bubble bath, a luxury in which you rarely indulge. Your thoughts are screaming inside your head though and you just want them to stop.

You just encouraged Alex to go on a date with someone else. You can't decide whether it was an act of cowardice or an act of selflessness but it doesn't matter because all you feel is regret and a longing so deep you can't breathe. 

The hot water helps and you stay in the tub until it becomes uncomfortably cool. The world outside the bath and your wine is less comforting. You grab the bottle of wine and head to bed.

There are two texts from Alex waiting for you when you check your phone. The first one is asking if you made it home safely and if you're feeling better, you reply in the affirmative to both questions.

The second text is less innocuous. Alex asks you to come over tomorrow to help you get ready for her date. That was fast, you think. You can't come up with a reply so you put your phone away without texting back and it is the first time that's ever happened, you realize sadly. 

You'll help Alex tomorrow, of course you will, but tonight you need to wallow. You feel wet tears on your cheeks as you lay your head down and fall asleep dreaming of a world where you're good enough for Alex Danvers.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex goes on a date and Kara and Lena have a heart to heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have insomnia plus nobody is currently breaking the law so work is slower than normal and I had some spare time on my hands. I need a life!
> 
> This is a lot of dialogue that was going to be part of another chapter that ran too long. I added some more meat to it because I really like the idea of Kara noticing something is going on and confronting Lena about it and I can see Kara having a huge part in these two getting together, I mean it's her best friend and her sister of course she'll be part of it. 
> 
> I really appreciate all the comments and kudos, I love this story and it's nice to know others do too!

Showing up at Alex's apartment, to help her get ready for her date, takes every ounce of willpower you possess. It's days like these that make you think you'd be a fantastic actress. The cheerful and aloof demeanor you've adopted couldn't be further from what you are actually feeling. 

Kara is tossing garments from Alex's closet onto the bed when you actually work up the nerve to open the front door. You're not sure her presence is helpful or if she's just one more person you have to fool. She's not easy to fool, your best friend, and having Kara figure you out right now is way too scary to think about.

Alex is pacing and she seems panicked. As much as it hurts you to watch her go out on a date with someone who isn't you, you're still her friend and that has to come first. 

So, you listen. You listen to her nervous rambling and fall for her a little harder. She's such a mix of confidence and self doubt and it's something you didn't know you adored in another person until you met Alex. You listen to her fear of rejection and feel an angry protectiveness. How many people are responsible for her shattered ego? Her dad. Maggie. Her mom. Those are just the ones you know of. No matter what, you won't be another contributor to her pain. If friendship is all she ever wants from you, if it's all you can ever give then that will be enough, the alternative is walking away and you will never do that. You listen to her worry over what to wear and tell her she's beautiful no matter what but suggest a dress that is a deep maroon color because it brings out the gold in her brown eyes.

She looks amazing without trying. Your mind flashes back to the morning she said the same words to you and wonder if that was the point of no return. 

As Kara helps her with her makeup and jewelry, it almost feels normal, like a girls night, like an evening it doesn't hurt to breathe. You tell yourself that you are being a good friend, that this is all for the best, but it feel so much like a lie you can hardly stomach it.

When Alex is finally ready to leave, Kara goes into protective sister mode and instructs her to text as soon as she gets to the restaurant. She tells her not to stay out too late and call for a ride if she drinks too much. It's hard to remember that Kara is the little sister in this scenario but it makes your heart swell with affection. 

Hanging back quietly, it's easy to remove yourself from the reality of the moment until Alex hugs you, lingering longer than necessary. The touch breaks something in you and you smile too wide, tell her to text you later in a voice too cheerful. You can feel your fragile resolve crumbling as the door closes behind her with a sound much too loud for the silence that pervades the room. 

"You are an idiot, Lena." Kara says while still facing the door, her back to you. You must have misheard her.

"Excuse me?" 

She flips around so fast you practically feel a breeze, closing the distance between you in a few fast steps. 

"You heard me." Her voice is devoid of any venom but a chill runs through you all the same. "You like her, don't you? You have feelings for my sister?"

"I...how..." You trail off, unable to lie.

"Tell me the truth, Lena." Kara's voice is soft now and it makes you want to confide in her. 

"Yes." You're almost in tears. Feeling this exposed is upsetting in the best of situations and almost intolerable now.

Kara wraps her arms around you without warning and you're so unprepared that you stand rigid for several seconds before returning the embrace. It feels good to let someone comfort you, even if you're not sure you deserve it.

"Why did you let her go? Why didn't you tell her?" She's genuinely confused.

"What makes you think I didn't?"

"Because if you had, she wouldn't have agreed to this date."

"I don't think so, Kara." You try to defend yourself but its weak, even to your own ears.

"And that's why you're an idiot." Kara isn't backing down on her insult game it appears. "Let's get out of here. I'll buy you dinner and you're going to talk to me."

There is no room for negotiation so you follow her out of the door obediently. The two of you walk to the nearest diner. It's shabby and all the letters except the "O" on the huge neon sign above the door are burnt out. It's exactly what you need right now. Kara orders milkshakes for both of you, followed by cheeseburgers and fries and you let the grease fill in the hollow feeling inside your stomach, one you know has nothing to do with hunger. 

Kara stares at you, letting the empty silence stretch into the realm of uncomfortable. She knows you hate awkward silence. She's waiting you out and it works.

"I'm not good enough for her." You blurt out.

"What?!" If Kara's voice gets any higher she will attract dogs. "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."

"Gee, Kara, don't hold back or anything."

"I won't." You expect nothing less. "That's bull shit and you know it. Pardon my French."

"It's not though." Is it?

"It is. As her sister, I'll never think anyone is good enough for Alex but you come damn close." That makes two swear words Kara has used in as many minutes. "As your best friend, I know for a fact you are amazing and hate that you can't see that."

"It's not just that," though it's most of it, "I'm not even sure she feels that way about me. I don't want to risk our friendship." You have no idea who you're trying to convince but it's not working.

"You take more risks than anyone I know, what makes this different?"

You take a deep breath before answering, "She's just become so important to me, you know? I'd rather have her as a friend that not at all. Plus, you're the closest thing I have to family and if I mess it up, I'll lose you too. It's too much to risk."

"Hey," Kara says gently, "no matter what happens with you and Alex, you won't lose me."

"I really thought that you'd be mad at me. You needed help and I swear I only ever wanted to be there for her and for you. I didn't mean for this to happen."

"I don't think anyone ever plans on falling for someone. That's why they call it falling, cause it's scary and it sometimes hurts." She giggles at her own joke. "I'll be honest, I think this will take some getting used to but I love you and I am not going to stop being your friend, not ever. All right?"

"All right." You allow. It feels like a small victory.

"Alex has feelings for you, Lena." She says seriously. "Maybe she isn't allowing herself to acknowledge it but I know her and I can tell she does. I see it every time you two are together. "

"You do?" Maybe you aren't imagining it then.  
"Yes!" Kara exclaims like she's finally gotten through. "You know how much she's been through, probably better than even I do. If you ask me, she's probably just as afraid of rejection as you are."

"She shouldn't be." 

"That's my point exactly. You know for a really smart woman, you are an absolute idiot." She rolls her eyes.

"I'm going to start getting a complex, Kara. You have called me an idiot so many times tonight that I'm starting to believe it."

"Good. Cause it's true. You won't accept what's right in front of your face so the descriptor is accurate." Wow, she is feisty tonight. You decide you like the sweet version of Kara better even if she isn't wrong about this. "One last thing and then I'll drop it."

"Okay..."

"I think going out with this doctor was the easy choice for Alex. She has nothing to lose with her. Given everything that she's had to deal with, all the tough decisions she's had to make, she definitely deserves to take the easy route right now. I don't know if she has it in her to be brave with you, you mean too much to her." Kara takes a deep breath and continues. "I'm saying that the ball is probably in your court right now. Think about it." 

You offer a small smile and a nod in lieu of a verbal response. Kara is wise beyond her years in a way you're just starting to really appreciate but your doubts still linger. She has always been blind to your faults and though you feel bolstered by her words, you don't know where to go from here. 

Both you and Kara receive a text from Alex in a group chat letting you know she's safe and her date, Brooke, is not a psycho so there is no need to worry. Part of you was hoping Alex would be miserable and cancel dinner. Based on Kara's sympathetic look, she was too. It's wrong to wish misery on someone like Alex, no matter how much it hurts, and you immediately regret the thought. 

"It's great that she's having fun but you should talk to her before you miss your chance." Kara's voice is nostalgic when she adds, "trust me."

"I want to. If only I believed in myself as much as you do, I'd be in business." You giggle trying to lighten the mood. 

"Any time you need a pep talk, just let me know."

"I will."

"I don't want to see either of you hurting. Maybe you're each others shot at happiness and if that's not a risk worth taking, what is. I've lost enough in my life to know, don't let what happiness you find slip away. Tell her." 

"Thank you, Kara." You're not sure you can commit to a plan. Part of you is so afraid you'll ruin Alex and it's more than fear that's holding you back. 

///////////////////////////////////

Sleep doesn't come easy despite your exhaustion. Alex sends you a series of texts about her date with Brooke. It went well, you assume, and she has another date in a couple days. You send generic replies until she gives up any attempt at conversation. Kara's words play over in your head but it's hard to reconcile them with Alex's texts. 

What if you're not her chance at happiness? What if confessing your feelings ruins her chance with Brooke or with someone else, someone better than you?

Alex may need easy choices right now, you don't fault her that, but you're not sure you are strong enough to make the difficult ones. You want to be with Alex. You want it more than you remember wanting anything, ever, but wanting something doesn't always make it right and that's the thought that holds on to you as you drift into a restless unconsciousness.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara is sick of the shenanigans and Alex realizes something important.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter got away from me and I am not 100% satisfied but the more I mess with it the more it deviates from my original vision. Anyway I hope you guys enjoy it.
> 
> Also, I used to teach Kindergarten. There is a scene in here where Lena is sitting crossed legged and it took everything in me not to write, "criss cross applesauce." I restrained myself though.

After two weeks, Brooke the allergist is still around. Your one and only strategy of avoidance has thus far yielded zero positive results and frankly, it's disappointing. Ignoring the problem is the only solution you feel comfortable with at the moment but, not surprisingly, it's making matters worse. 

You haven't yet met the woman Alex swears is a casual acquaintance (but still goes on dates with) and that really helps the ignorance is bliss attitude you've adopted. You can pretend that nothing has really changed. You and Alex still eat lunch together most week days and movie nights are a standing tradition, there is still texting and she still calls you when she feels overwhelmed but there is an underlying, and suffocating, tension to your interactions now that wasn't there before. 

While attempting to compartmentalize your feelings for Alex, to separate the friendly emotions from the deeper more dangerous ones, you've lost the intimate familiarity that makes your relationship work. Whatever this is, this plastic facade, is almost worse than having nothing at all. Almost. 

Kara is beside herself and you understand her frustration. It shouldn't be so hard for you to talk to Alex, to at least see where she stands, but it feels damn near impossible. Taking no action at all is still a decision, Kara reminds you several times. She's right, of course, but it's still annoying to hear. At some point, your best friend became an advocate for your emotional well being and she seems determined to fulfill that role no matter how much you protest. 

You decide to blame Kara for your current predicament, seems like the adult thing to do. She did drag you, practically kicking and screaming, to a new karaoke bar she's, "been dying to try out." She doesn't give you much of a choice these days. Every time Alex has a date with Brooke, she insists the two of you do something fun. If she would just let you wallow in your misery, you wouldn't currently be sitting at a table with the reason you need a distraction in the first place. 

In a city this size, it's usually so easy to avoid people so when you and Kara run smack into Alex and Brooke, you are all taken aback. 

Alex insists you join them for a drink. She seems cheerful, glad to see you even, but you know her well and you can see the tension in her shoulders. Would it be so awkward for her if she didn't feel something for you too? This just friends thing is difficult to navigate especially since you're not even sure that's what Alex would want if given the chance. Half the time, you're sure her affection is purely platonic and the other half you are convinced you see what Kara sees. 

There are countless cheesy, romantic comedies about this situation, Kara has made you watch more than you care to recall. The films always drive you crazy, wishing the fictional characters would just confess their feelings and move on with their lives. It's different when you are in the staring role though, far less cut and dry. 

Brooke is at least ten years older than Alex and absolutely stunning. She's wearing a form fitting floral dress by a designer you recognize and heels just as tall as the ones you're wearing now. Her honey blonde hair hangs in perfect waves down her back and you notice freckles, even through her light makeup, on the bridge of her nose. She introduces herself to you and Kara and her hazel eyes shine with genuine warmth. She speaks in a clipped, overly formal way and you know she is intelligent. She has that cute, social awkwardness that most people with unusually high IQ's seem to share. 

In another life, the two of you might have been friends. In this life, however, you hate her. It's irrational, you know this, but you don't care. Alex's attention is almost entirely yours, an occurrence that is not at all unusual in normal circumstances, but with a date present, it gives you an odd thrill. You let yourself fall into the familiar comfort of teasing banter and easy conversation, completely oblivious to Kara's struggle to keep small talk going with Brooke while the woman she came with ignores her completely. 

"Oh! I didn't realize it was getting so late!" Kara announces suddenly and with such drama you immediately know you need to play along. "We are going to miss the movie if we don't get going." Her mouth forms a hard line and her eyebrows raise up and down. Lord, you hope her life never depends on her subtlety, she'd be doomed. 

"Right, I almost forgot." You deadpan. Nobody at this table believes you're late for anything. Kara rolls her eyes and pushes you out the door, yelling goodbyes over her shoulder. You barely have time to wave to Alex before you're thrust out the door. 

"What in the name of Christmas was that?!" Kara half screeches, half whispers as soon as you're an acceptable distance from the establishment. 

"What was what?"

"Um...that? The private bubble you and Alex disappeared into back there." She's still screeching and you're distantly worried she may hyperventilate. 

"I'm sure I have no idea what you are talking about." 

"I want you to know that I am actively restraining a powerful urge to shake you. I'm starting to believe that's the only way to get through to you." She is frustrated, you can tell, and you can't blame her but you also don't really want to get into it in the middle of a busy street. 

"I....I don't even know anymore." You admit. "I think I am going to talk to her. It has to be better than this. Even if she doesn't feel the same way, I don't think she'll be grossed out or anything. I hope not anyway."

"Even if she doesn't feel the same way?!" Her exasperated tone draws a few pairs of eyes. "Were we at the same bar just now?" 

"Yes?" Her sarcasm level has become too advanced. You can't keep up.

"I love you, I really do, but you are exhausting! Alex likes you. I can see it, Brooke could probably see it, people in Kansas can see it. Talk to her. Tomorrow. Please, I am begging you!" 

"Okay, okay. Wow. You are bossy these days!" 

"Lena, do you want me to shake you? Like, is that what you want?" 

"I'd rather avoid it..."

"Okay then. Listen to my superior wisdom. It's not called being bossy, it's called being right." She's visibly relaxed and her tone is much more playful. "Wanna come watch Cupcake Wars?"

"I think I'll head home and read if that's okay? Cupcake Wars tomorrow night?" You adore Kara for having your back but you need a little alone time to think things over.

"Sure. But talk to Alex first." She winks at you and you roll your eyes. She is definitely relentless. 

Kara shares a cab with you so you don't have wait for a car and doesnt let up on the bar incident, openly mocking your, "heart eyes," whatever that means, the entire way. Luckily, the ride is short and you don't have to endure the antics for long. 

"Bye, Kara!!" You have to talk over her rambling, cutting her off with the slam of the taxi door. You're fortunate to have her in your life, even if she drives you a little nuts sometimes. She's unfailingly loyal and you are well aware of how rare that is. 

Your house is always empty but it feels especially so tonight. Making your way to your bedroom, you flip on every light switch you encounter as if the light can chase away that empty feeling. You need a cat to come home to, you decide. It's only a matter of time before you're socially obligated to adopt several anyway. A sudden mental image of an older version of yourself dressing tiny, furry animals in holiday sweaters makes you laugh out loud. There are worse futures, you think, crazy cat lady wouldn't be so bad.

Most of your pajamas are expensive silk sets you've acquired over the years. Now that you know how yoga pants feel, though, you regret not having more lounge clothes. Silk is cold and not very comfortable to sit around in. Alex has influenced your sleepwear choices, you realize, that has to mean something.

You grab capri length black leggings that are meant for working out. They are comfortable and soft, though, and that's what you want. You decide to keep the workout theme for this ensemble and choose an off the shoulder sweater the color of dark wine. You take the hobbled together outfit to the bathroom, idley wondering if it counts as casual.

You have to be the cleanest person on earth by now, this is your third shower of the day, but you still feel like you need it to relax so you let yourself indulge. By the time you step out of the shower your skin is red from the heat of the water and you feel so much more like yourself. 

Reading is another thing that always brings you comfort, helps you get out of your head. You often read books that challenge you but your current mood calls for something easy so you search, "beach reads," on your kindle and choose the first title that catches your eye.

It's a decent read and you quickly get caught up in the fictional world. This is your happy place, cuddled on your couch with a good book and a glass of wine and you feel some of the tension leave your body.  
You don't know how long you have been reading when soft knocking pulls you from the sanctuary of the story. You don't get many visitors, especially at this hour. You glance quickly at your phone to make sure no one tried to get a hold of you, that you're not missing a catastrophe of some sort, but there are no notifications or missed calls. Somewhat begrudgingly, you set down your tablet and wine glass on the side table and cautiously look through the peephole.

Alex is standing on the other side of your door, in the same dress she had on earlier. Her heels dangle from her fingers and she's rocking back and forth on bare feet, eyes trained on the ground, looking a little anxious and impossibly beautiful. 

Worried that something is wrong, you motion for her to come in and lock the door behind her.

"Hey," she says in a shaky voice.

"What's wrong? Did something happen on your date?" She is so obviously distraught that you don't bother with pretense. 

"Yeah...um there won't be anymore dates. It's over." 

"What did she do?" You're relived, to say the least, but the protective tenderness you feel towards Alex overrides that and you go into comfort mode on instinct. 

"It's more of what she said and I..." she takes a deep breath, "could you sit down? I need to say something and I need you to let me get through it okay?" 

"Okay." She's scaring you a little but you do what she asks and sit, cross legged and rigid, on an oversized plush ottoman.

Alex paces back and forth in front of you and takes two deep breaths before she speaks. 

"So..." she begins, "after you left the bar, Brooke told me she couldn't see me anymore. She said she liked me but could tell I was into someone else." Her eyes close as she stops pacing, facing you. Without opening her eyes she whispers, "You. She meant you Lena." Your heart beats so hard you can almost hear it and you have to stifle a gasp. Alex resumes her pacing. "Apparently, I talk about you a lot and she said... she kind of already knew but seeing us together just confirmed it. It hit me like a ton of bricks, like, everything I'd been feeling fell into place. I do have feelings for you, I think they've been there for a while. God, things were so hard after... and then you were there and things got better, I felt like I could breathe again because of you and you are always here for me, I think I took that for granted. You make me feel so much, safe and grateful and cared for and...I dunno. It was more than I could handle so I think I ignored it. I don't want to ignore it anymore, Lena. I can't."

"Alex," you breathe around the lump in your throat. You feel tears running down your cheeks. You didn't realize you were crying and it's too late to hide them now. 

Alex drops to her knees in front of you, so hard and fast you can feel the vibration of the impact. It had to have hurt but she's brushing the tears from your face and the pain in her eyes is not from the drop.

"Why didn't you say anything?" She asks softly. There's no need to ask if you feel the same, she can see the answer in your reaction.

"I..." You feel so open and the instinct to close yourself off is strong but you fight it. Alex just laid herself bare before you, the least you can do is match her honesty. "I'm afraid that I won't be good enough for you. You're amazing, you're everything and I feel so broken, like I don't have much to offer."

She leans back but keeps her hands on your knees, anchoring you to the moment. 

"Did you know that when a bone breaks, it calcifies when it heals?" She asks. You shake your head, though you have no idea where this is going, and wait for her to continue. "It's almost impossible to break it again in the same spot. It's always going to be there, the break, and on x-rays you can see the fracture. You can tell something bad once happened and sometimes it still hurts. But bones are stronger at the broken places, Lena, and so are you."

You offer a watery smile, "Am I though?" 

"Yes. I know you've been hurt by people who were supposed to love you, abandoned by people who should have stayed. I know Rhea took advantage of your kindness and I'm sure she's not the only one. Most people would let that pain destroy them, I've seen it happen. Most people would close themselves off but not you. You're still the person who took care of me when I was little more than a stranger. You never gave up on Kara, even when she tried to push us all away. You run your entire company with the intent to do good in this world. You're kind and loyal and so, so strong. Maybe you are broken, but you're better for it Lena. It's made you, you and you are so much more than enough."

A sob forces its way from your chest and the tears are coming faster now. You feel completely exposed by Alex's words, like she reached into you and found everything you have ever needed to hear. Like she sees who you truly are and it's freeing. 

Words don't seem like enough in this moment so you tug on Alex's hands until she sits up on her knees, you lean in and press your lips against hers.

You can taste the salt of your tears mixing with the cinnamon sweet of her mouth. It's a messy kiss, desperate and deep, and your whole body comes alive. 

It's an awkward angle and you can feel the muscles in your back protest at the strain but Alex's tongue is tracing your upper lip and her hands have found their way into your hair and those sensations are enough to make you forget anything else. 

You kiss for a long time, breaking apart only when the need for air becomes too much to ignore. You have no idea how you have survived this long without kissing Alex Danvers because she feels like a missing piece, like home.

So much still needs to be said, so many things need to be navigated and discussed but the exhaustion you feel is mirrored in her eyes so you give her clothes to change into and insist she sleeps next to you because you cannot bear to lose the closeness even for a moment. 

There is more kissing when you lay down in bed, legs tangled together. It feels like you have done this, been here with Alex, for a hundred years. It feels brand new and exciting and a little scary, too. You press close to the body next you and let sleep pull you under, excited and hopeful for what's to come.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sweet morning after and a small Lena/Kara scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was getting too long so I decided to break it into two parts. I'm trying desperately to write a love scene to include in the next chapter. I'm not great at writing those so...wish me luck! I'll make sure to change the rating when (if?) I succeed. 
> 
> Also, this is probably going to be longer than the originally planned ten chapters but only by a chapter or two. I'm really in love with this story and I want to do it justice so I think it may need a tiny bit more than I thought at first.
> 
> I really appreciate the comments and kudos, it makes it so much easier to keep working on this story and giving it my all so thank you!

There is a warm weight pressed against your side when you wake up the next morning and it takes only seconds of groggy confusion for your brain to register the reason behind this unusual occurrence.

At some point during the night, you flipped to your back. Alex is on her side, cuddled into you, with her face buried in your shoulder and an arm draped lazily over your stomach. Your left arm is under her neck and its a little numb but you cannot bring yourself to move, unwilling to give up this moment before you commit it to memory. 

You have to crane your head up to see her face but it's totally worth the strain. If it's possible, Alex is even more beautiful in sleep, bathed by soft morning light filtered through dark curtains. She looks peaceful and young with her mouth slightly parted and her face completely relaxed. 

The memory of last night pervades your thoughts, making you smile. Alex is so brave and it doesn't surprise you at all that she was able to say the words that have been stuck in your throat for weeks. You might be embarrassed for yourself if you weren't busy feeling so proud of her.

Without a conscious decision, your fingers trace idle patterns on the forearm that lays, heavy and comforting, on your abdomen. The skin on her arm is so soft and images of other places on Alex's body that you'd like to explore flash unbidden in your mind. The thoughts make you blush and excite you in a way you don't often feel.

Your experience with relationships, romantic and sexual, is limited and you know that would surprise a lot of people. You have touched on your past with Alex, but only just barely, just enough to let her know she wasn't alone. The two of you still have a lot to talk about, you realize. 

She stirs beside you, stretching out and yawning adorably. Your body tenses for a second, waiting for her reaction. When she looks up at you though, Alex smiles shyly and buries her face in your neck mumbling a sleepy, "morning, you," and your heart soars as you lean into the contact. 

"Morning." You say, a huge grin on your face. It's pointless to try to hide your happiness at this moment and you don't want to hide anything from this woman anyway. 

Alex props herself up on one elbow, looking at you intently a smile still in place. "Totally unfair," she says with her hand covering her mouth. "You are so, so pretty."

"So are you." You try to pull her hand away from her face but she holds it firm.

"I have morning breath," she giggles at your attempts. 

"I don't care." And you really don't but the hand remains, despite the reassurances.

"I didn't brush my teeth last night, trust me, you should care."

You roll your eyes but get out of bed, beckoning her to follow you to the guest bathroom. Once inside, you take an extra toothbrush and toothpaste from the drawer and present it with a dramatic flare, "here you are milady, go to town." Alex takes the offered items, bowing theatrically.

"Thank you kindly," she says in a bad English accent and you can't help but laugh at the antics. It's comforting, the playful banter. A lot has changed and nothing has changed at all. 

"You're very welcome. Use whatever you need, I'm going to go freshen up in the other bathroom, then I'll start breakfast, yeah?"

"Sounds great, I'm starving!"

"Me too. Just to warn you, I'm not changing out of these pajamas. I'm too comfy."

"Well me either," she replies, "you look gorgeous anyway, I'm more than happy to deal with that hardship." 

"Yeah, you're not looking too shabby yourself..." You trail off looking at her ensemble. You gave her silk boxer style shorts last night and they show off impossibly long legs. The grey Henley you acquired on a ski trip years ago fits her so well it looks like it was made for her. Alex clears her throat and you realize you are not so subtlety checking her out. 

"You can look all you want later," she says in a low, gravely voice that sends shivers down your spine, "but let me brush my teeth so I can kiss you good morning first." 

"Okay, good plan." You mumble before you make a hasty exit from the bathroom, shutting the door behind you with too much force. Alex's faint giggle follows you down the hall. 

Once inside your own bathroom, you hastily brush your teeth and wash your face. You briefly consider putting on makeup but decide against it. That would appear desperate. You do, however, brush your hair and moisturize. A little effort is never a bad thing. 

Alex is already in the kitchen, leaning against the counter, when you walk into the room to make breakfast. She crosses the distance and wraps her arms around your waist, without any pretence or hesitation, and you're struck with the familiarity of the moment even as the butterflies in your stomach swirl to life. You slip both hands into her hair on instinct.

"I'm going to kiss you now " she whispers. It's not a question but she waits for your consent, which you give in the form of a subtle nod, before she bends her neck, capturing your lips in a chaste kiss.

"Wow," you whisper. Not satisfied with the brief contact you kiss her again, deeper and gentle. The same feeling of home you felt last night washes over you and you trace her lips with your tongue, begging an entrance that she grants immediately.  
The kiss turns decidedly unchaste as Alex's tongue battles yours for dominance which you give up willingly. It surprises you how easy it is to give up control with her, when control is usually so important to you. Feeling powerless is a fear you've yet to conquer, but it doesn't scare you now because you trust her implicitly, secure in the knowledge that she would never hurt you intentionally. 

You feel Alex's fingers reach up to trace patterns on the exposed skin of your shoulder and collarbone and you congratulate yourself on your choice of sleepwear. Arousal pools low and hot in your stomach and you break the kiss, breathing heavily. She is barely touching you and you are already close to a point of no return. 

"Jesus..." Alex mutters, resting her forehead against yours, her breathing labored and uneven.

"No, it's just me." You tease, receiving a playful scowl. "I promised breakfast, I better get to it." Reluctantly, you pull away from the embrace. 

"Can I help?" She asks as you open the fridge to gather ingredients.

"No!" You practically shout. "I mean, no I've got it. You can make coffee if you want?" You recall the coffee incident at her apartment and regret the offer but it's a better option than having Alex hurt herself. 

"Okay, I feel the lack of confidence in my cooking abilities. I'll have you know, I'm not that bad!"

"Sure..."

"Hey!" She's not really offended, you can tell.

"You have many skills, Alex, there is no shame in being a terrible cook." You wink at her to soften the words and she smiles even as she gasps in mock surprise.

"Okay, wow. You're lucky you're so cute cause you're kinda mean right now." 

You plant a quick kiss on her lips before gathering the supplies to make pancakes and getting to work. Alex makes coffee and and hands you a cup with just the right around of sugar and cream. She moves around your kitchen like she belongs there and you can't help but think how fitting that is.

Sipping on her own coffee, she leans against the counter trying her best to stay out of your way while remaining as close as possible. 

When you're finished cooking, you make up two plates and carry them into the dining room, Alex following close behind. It's a room you rarely use but its quiet and free of distraction and you want to use breakfast as a chance to talk with Alex. You need some definition of what is going on between you. You know, without a doubt, that you want to be with her, to date or whatever the kids are calling it these days. Your heart isn't still hurting from a relationship you thought would last forever, though, and so you are not sure what Alex is ready for. 

Drawing some bravery from her presence, you ask her as soon as breakfast is finished. Pushing the dishes aside, and taking a deep breath, you dive right in.

"So, what does this mean?" You venture hesitantly.

"What does what mean?"

"This...us?" You want to elaborate but you're not sure how to. 

Alex smiles gently, "what do you want it to mean?"

"I just...I want you. In whatever way you're comfortable with."

"I want you too." She whispers. "I know I have a lot of baggage to work through. It may take patience and I know you've already been so patient with me but..."

"I don't mind, Alex. I'll always be patient with you. Whatever you need, I'm willing to give it to you."

"You are amazing and I don't deserve you."

"That's not true," you say sincerely, "you deserve everything."

"See, proof." She says with a smile, "we will take it slow, okay? At a pace we are both comfortable with. We have an advantage here, you've already seen me at my worst. You already know me. And I already know that you're reliable and kind and cannot be easily scared away by my emotional baggage because you were literally in the trenches with me. I think we've got this. Slow and steady." Alex caps off her speech with a slow, sweet kiss that fills you with the same electric charge you've felt after every kiss so far.

"Not too slow..." You add, blushing hard. You didn't mean to say that out loud.

"Definitely not too slow," she agrees, kissing you again. 

///////////////////////////////////////

You manage to keep the Cupcake Wars date with Kara because Alex gets called into work, something about a surveillance issue. You told Alex that Kara had figured things out and she wasn't at all surprised, a little embarrassed that her sister was so involved in her romantic life, but not surprised. 

As much as you would have loved to spend the entire day with Alex, you're excited to see Kara and tell her what happened (omitting the PG-13 rated details of course). You stop and pick up pot stickers for Kara and some vegetable stir fry for yourself before heading over to her apartment.

"So...did you talk to her?" Are the first words you hear as soon as you step through the door.

"Actually, she talked to me." Handing over the take out, you plop yourself onto a stool. 

"Aaannnd..." She ventures cautiously while dishing up paper plates of food.  
"We kissed. And she spent the night!" 

"Yay! And also...yuck. I can't know that about my sister. Or you." She abandons the take out to plug her ears and hum. 

"No. No! Kara, I didn't mean it like that!" You yell. Reluctantly, she unplugs her ears. "She just slept there. It was nice."

"Oh. Thank goodness." She resumes dishing up the food. "Also, yay!!!!" She adds, bouncing excitedly. 

"I agree, very yay."

"I feel like you're using a suggestive tone while referring to my sister." Kara places a plate in front of you while giving you a stern look.

"I would never!"

"Why don't I believe you?"

You laugh at the comical look on her face, somewhere between amusement and disgust. "Are you okay with this? I mean, seriously?"

"Of course I am. I want you to be happy. I want Alex to be happy. That's all I care about," Kara answers genuinely. "But no gory details okay?" She adds the last part in such a serious, hopeful tone that you can't help but laugh. 

You finish dinner and start your Cupcake Wars marathon, settling into a comfortable routine of gossip and light banter. Spending time with Kara is always so easy and centering. 

Alex texts you a few times and you must be smiling like a fool because Kara teases you relentlessly. The surveillance issue is apparently an all night ordeal so you won't be able to see her until tomorrow, which is disappointing but stting here with your best friend, still high from the best morning you've ever had, is a great consolation prize.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena has a little reality check and Alex is understanding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is still not the M rated chapter! This one got way too long and I am hung up on writing the love scene well so I decided to make it it's own chapter next. That way, if you want to skip it you can. 
> 
> It has been one of those weeks!

The first two weeks of your new relationship go smoothly, much more so than you were anticipating. Alex is endlessly patient, meeting every insecurity without judgment, when you begged to keep the changes to yourselves for now, she agreed, insisting you needn't explain yourself. Mostly you want to hold off on telling anyone because you like the idea of this, "private bubble," but also because you know how people think of you. Alex came to know the real you through experience, you were able to prove yourself over time and Kara's always seen the best in you. The rest of the world isn't always so open minded and you are afraid that includes the rest of Alex's family and her friends.

Of course you don't want to hide this part of your life forever. You are so lucky and so happy and if you were anyone else, had any other family, you'd hire a sky writer. You are still the enemy, though, in the eyes of a lot of people. It scares you to death to think that Alex might see that, might realize how out of place you are in her world.

You haven't verbalized these fears to her, there is no easy solution and you know Alex would put her own relationships on the line to defend you, much like you've seen Kara do before. It's too much to ask and you want to avoid putting her in that situation.

Avoidance, however, never works in your favor. When Jess meets you at the lobby door as soon as you step foot in the LCorp building, you have a sneaking suspension the strategy has failed you again. 

"Ms. Luthor!" She says with a hint of controlled panic, "can I see you in your office for a minute."

"Of course," you reply cautiously but follow her up the elevator without further inquiry. There is a good reason for this immediacy, you're sure.

As soon as you unlock your office door, Jess grabs something from her desk and follows you in. She doesn't bother with pretense, just hands you what appears to be a tabloid. 

"Have you seen this? Are you okay?" The concern in her voice is touching but you're too focused on what she gave you to respond. 

The gossip rag is fairly popular, you've had run ins with them before so you're familiar with the publication. The images that stare back at you from the semi glossy page are enough to steal the breath from your lungs.

The front page story is on you and Alex, complete with two pictures. They're of moments you remember fondly, from just a couple days ago in front of this very building, when Alex drove you to work on her motorcycle. 

The first picture is of Alex still straddling the bike, helmet in her hand. You are leaning in and kissing her, it's hard to see either one of you faces. The second picture reveals both of your identities more fully; Alex is leaning on the seat of the same motorcycle, head thrown back in laughter, fingers fisted tightly at your hip. The look on your face is one of adoration, it's a beautiful image, one you'd have loved in other circumstances. It feels a lot like a violation of privacy now, though. It feels like the upheaval of your private bubble. The headline reads, "Lena Luthor's Lady Love." It's tawdry and cheap and the thought of Alex seeing this makes you sick.

The tabloids have never been kind to you. There's often a small blurb about you or your family but usually the stories are too outlandish to focus on for long, if at all. This is your life though, a life that means a great deal to you and a woman that means even more. Your blood boils but anger fails to overshadow the gnawing panic rising in your chest. 

You send a text to Alex, apologizing and asking her to call you before you ask Jess to set up an appointment with your attorney. She hesitates before offering a quiet, "yes ma'am," and rushing out of your office, closing the door behind her. 

Alone in the empty room, you attempt to control your breathing and get a hold of your irrational fear. You're not worried about your image, if anything the pictures soften your cold public facade. This story may even be good for the company, it's CEO appearing human and relatable is an angle you've never been able to offer. 

What you are afraid of, however, is Alex's reaction, that she'll be mad or worse, realize your baggage is so much heavier than hers. That you're more than she can handle. You're afraid of how Winn and James and J'onn will react, too. If your inability to protect Alex from the basic inconveniences of your life will set the tone for how they forever see you. You're not even sure Kara can overlook this.

Sitting at your desk, you check your phone. Alex hasn't text back. It's not unusual for her to be unreachable given the nature of her job. Sometimes she's very busy, hell, sometimes she's in another dimension. You've gone entire days in radio silence but it's never weighed as heavily as it does in this moment. 

It's difficult to focus on anything but the glaring lack of messages on your phone. You realize, distantly, that you're very much behaving like the girls you pitied in college; hung up on a relationship and dramatically obsessing over every perceived flaw. Your relationship with Alex is important to you, in a way you've never experienced before. It's worth holding on to and this threat feels like a crack in what you've built. 

You try very hard to get some work done despite this morning's monkey wrench and the total lack of any communication from Alex. It's not going well, by your own admission. The meeting with your attorney doesn't help. The article isn't slanderous and the pictures were taken on a public street, despite it's poor taste the tabloid has done nothing warranting legal action. 

Plotting a ruthless take over of the magazine was all that was keeping you afloat, however unrealistic that may have been. Now that its off the table, you have no one to blame but yourself. 

You're really of no use here in your current emotional state and when lunch time comes and goes with no word from Alex, you decide to head home. Jess is sympathetic and offers to reschedule the rest of your day when you forget to ask. You hate for your employees to see you in such a state but if it has to be anyone, you're glad it's Jess. 

With work no longer a distraction, the ride home is intense. You send Alex a series of messages apologizing and lamenting on all the ways this is your fault. The texts are dramatic and needy but you feel desperate. 

This is the first major speed bump you've encountered with Alex that involves tangible proof of what you were afraid of, that you're not good enough, that she might suffer because of your shortcomings. The worst part is, you cannot guarantee that this incident will be the last.

Once you're home, you have no idea what to do with yourself so you take a long hot shower and change into the yoga pants and hoodie Alex bought for you last week. It's a comforting ritual and the clothes remind you of the strength you've found lately and you try to hold on to that. 

You settle on your couch with your laptop, determined to get some work done if it kills you. The plan is only partially successful because in between every email, you surf the gossip blogs. You're half hoping to read more about your relationship, thinking maybe it won't seem so daunting when not in print. The other half is hoping you find nothing. You don't find much, but what you do find is worse than the tabloid because it opens up a public discussion on your private life, on Alex. There are pages of comments already but you can't bring yourself to read them.

You've been wavering between abject desperation and steely determination for well over two hours, a fact you only notice because the clock on your empty home screen mocks you every time you check your phone. You are weighing the benefits of drinking so early in the afternoon when you hear a soft knock on your front door. Alex is the only person who knocks like that and you answer the door with a mix of hope, excitement and trepidation.

There are flowers clutched tightly in her hands and she looks so remorseful that it throws you for a loop. Before you can say anything, Alex steps into your personal space and wraps you up in her arms, flowers held carefully between your back and the hand fisted in your hoodie. 

Some of the pieces of yourself that have been threatening to fly loose all day, settle in her embrace.  
"I'm so sorry, sweetheart." She says, voice muffled. Her face is pressed into your hair and you feel a gentle kiss being pressed into your temple. "I didn't have my phone because of mission necessity. I wasn't ignoring you, I promise." 

You nod, thoroughly confused as to why she's apologizing to you. Why isn't she mad?

"I saw the tabloid," she says while leading you back to the couch. She sits very close to you before continuing. "I'm not mad at you, baby. There's nothing at all to be upset with." Alex sets the bouquet on the ottoman, taking one of your hands in hers and using the other to lift your chin, forcing your eyes up to meet hers.

"I thought..." You trail off. None of the scenarios you've played out in your head today involved Alex apologizing to you or trying to make you feel better.

"You thought I'd be angry even though this isn't your fault?" She waits for an acknowledgement but all you can do is close your eyes. "Or did you think I'd get scared? That this would make me rethink what we have?"

"Both. All of that. More. I...it's a lot. It's a total violation of privacy and it happens sometimes. I can't even promise this is a one time thing. My life is just a circus attraction. I've never cared before but I'm dragging you into it and.."

"Did you think I didn't know who you were before I agreed to be in this relationship?" She asks firmly. You shake your head. Of course she knew, but this wasn't part of the deal. "Do you think I'll run every time something uncomfortable happens?" 

"No. I don't think that but I don't want you getting hurt because of me. I don't want your privacy violated because, it's so much more than you signed up for."

"You don't get to tell me what I can handle." There's a bite in her voice and you finally open your eyes, meeting her gaze. "I'm not going anywhere, Lena. I haven't done a great job of proving that to you but I will."

"You have," you try to counter but she cuts you off kissing you more gently than you've ever been kissed. When she breaks away after only a few seconds, you are breathless as the weight on your chest disintegrates. 

"I haven't. You've taken care of me for so long I think I sometimes forget that you need that too. Your insecurities may be different than mine, but no less valid. Its okay to be scared but I need you to talk to me when you are, okay?"

"Okay," you allow, "I can do that."

"I'm not upset about the pictures, they were actually really cute. So we have to tell people sooner than we planned, it'll be okay. I know you think my friends won't accept this or that they'll think you aren't good enough for me but that's not true." How does she always know what you're thinking? It's uncanny. 

"I am worried about that..."

"You have done nothing but prove yourself over and over again. If they don't see how amazing you are at first, you'll show them. Just like you always do."

You smile for the first time all day, letting yourself absorb some of her confidence. It's new and different to be able to work through your feelings like this but you already feel closer to Alex for it. 

When you kiss her, the fear and tension you have been holding on to like a security blanket, fade away, leaving something much more intense in their wake. 

Alex kicks off her shoes before straddling you, settling her weight on your lap. The position is your favorite, one you often find yourself in during make out sessions. It's been difficult to keep the physical aspect of your relationship from moving too fast over the past weeks but it's been manageable. 

The mood is different now, though, charged in a way that leaves no room for interpretation. You feel emotionally raw, wanting to show Alex the depth of what you feel for her, to show her how much you want to fight for this. You bury your hands in her short hair, bringing her down for a bruising kiss. She moans, unabashedly, into your mouth and the sound lands somewhere low in your abdomen.

It's enough, for a while, to just kiss and to feel her close but a deeper, almost primal longing drives your actions further. Your fingers slide down her back, slipping just inside the waistband of her jeans. You reach a gentle swell of flesh and squeeze experimentally. Alex tilts her hips forward in reaction, hard and immediate, so you repeat the action and watch in awe as her body responds to your touch. 

Alex sweeps slightly damp hair away from your neck, trailing hot, opened mouth kisses down the length of one side. You cannot stop the needy whimper that escapes your throat when she latches onto your pulse point, sucking roughly. There will be a mark there tomorrow, a reminder of this moment. 

Your senses are on overload as Alex slips both hands under the front of your hoodie. You're not wearing anything under the gray fabric and when her hands make contact with the bare skin of your stomach, she gasps in surprise. 

"I want..." She takes a deep breath, tugging at the hem of your sweatshirt. "Can I take this off?" 

You will be exposed without it, vulnerable, but you nod your consent. You trust her completely and as she gently pulls the hoodie over your head, the look of pure desire mixed with something tender tells you that your trust is well placed. 

Her mouth hangs open as her eyes rake over your, now, topless form. With apparent difficulty, Alex drags her eyes from your chest to your face. She cups your cheek, kissing you sweetly.

"You are perfect, Lena. So, so beautiful." All that reverence directed at you, it's surreal. 

"Bedroom. Please." You manage between kisses.

Alex pulls back, studying your face. "Are you sure? We can stop here if you want, no pressure."

"Do you want to stop?"

"Not even a little, it's crazy how much I want you, but only if you're ready." 

"I'm ready.' You say in a tone that leaves no room for debate. Alex slides off your lap, offering her outstretched hand like a lifeline and you hold on to her like that's exactly what she is.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The love scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed the rating of the whole story. Honestly, I think this chapter is riding the ragged edge between M and E, but it's not super graphic, I don't think. It is 1500 words of borderline smut that can totally be skipped if that is not your thing. I am not good at writing the naughty bits so be gentle?

Alex is mapping your naked torso with her tongue and teeth as you lay beneath her still fully clothed body. She hasn't even touched you, not really, but you're already trembling with need. Her kisses are aimless with no real purpose other than to explore and she's moving with such careful tenderness that your heart aches in the most exquisite way. 

You've imagined this moment, a hundred times, in a hundred different ways and it always plays out much like this, slow and sweet, but that's where the similarities end. In your fantasies you are patient and composed, willing to give all the time in the world. The reality of being half naked in a bed with Alex Danvers, however, throws your dream patience out the window. 

Threading your fingers through auburn hair, you attempt to guide her anywhere that will ease this desperation. Alex is nothing if not intuitive and she gives you exactly what you want. Looking up into your eyes with an infuriating smirk, she runs the flat of her tongue over your right nipple before tugging gently with her teeth.

"Oh, fuck!" You moan. Your voice is deep and foreign to your own ears but it unleashes something in Alex. She repeats the action, then alternates between insistent suction and expert flicks of her tongue. As soon as you become too sensitive, she instinctively moves to your other breast, laving it with equal attention.

You are whimpering and gasping nearly nonstop now and you'd be embarrassed by your lack of control if you could focus on anything but the white hot pleasure you feel.

Alex's knees bracket your hips, trapping your thighs together. It's impossible to get anywhere near the amount of friction you need in this position and the throbbing between your legs is almost painful. 

Despite the lack of pressure at your center, you're distantly afraid you may come like this; half dressed with Alex's mouth working intently at your breast. You don't know if that's even possible, but it certainly seems like it now. 

Pushing yourself into a sitting position, you inadvertently dislodge the woman on top of you and she rears back, looking at you with concern.

"What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" Alex asks with sincere worry. You want to laugh at the absurdity of the questions. Nothing has ever been more right.

"Nothing is wrong and you definitely didn't hurt me." You pull on her shirt, bringing her flush against you. "Take this off?" You ask, already pushing up on the material.

In one fluid motion, she lifts her shirt off herself roughly and tosses it across the room. Your breath catches at the sight before you. Alex has on a simple black bra, practical and plain. She is effortlessly sexy, almost ethereal in the filtered afternoon sun. In the position she's holding herself in, straddling your lap and leaning slightly backwards, her stomach muscles are tense with the strain of the angle. 

Unable and unwilling to stop yourself, you run your hands over her abdomen. Alex breathes in sharply and allows you to explore for a few seconds before kissing you with enough force you fall back on the bed. Her dominance is insanely hot and given your limited experience, you honestly appreciate it but you want her so badly you can taste it. 

A whine of disapproval escapes your lips at the change in position. "I want to touch you." You whisper into her mouth. 

Alex pulls back just enough to look at you. Her pupils are so blown with desire they look black. "After. I promise. I need to see you come. I want to taste you. Please."

The words are so dirty but her tone is reverent and the juxtaposition sends a bolt of desire straight to your core. You nod in surrender and her expression becomes almost predatory as she moves down your body, pressing kisses sporadically against over sensitive skin. 

When she reaches the fabric of your pants, she place a lingering kiss just below your navel, darting her tongue out to taste the skin there. Alex tugs at the material and hesitates, briefly, looking up and into your eyes.

"May I?" She asks. 

"Please. Please, Alex." You're begging, voice high and needy but Alex is sliding your pants down your legs, taking your underwear with them and you cannot bring yourself to be embarrassed. 

You have never let anyone go down on you, too afraid of the vulnerability and loss of control. There is no fear now, just nervous anticipation, still, you wonder if you should say something. The thought disappears as soon as you feel her hands gently coax your knees apart. 

"Oh my God." Alex whispers. It sounds like a prayer. You prop yourself up on your elbows so you can tease her, tell her its just you not God, but the words die on your lips at the sight before you. 

Alex is flat on her stomach between your legs looking up at you with such desire it takes your breath away. She presses kisses into your inner thighs, sweet and soft, while her arms slip under your hips and pull you close. The image is too much and your arms feel too weak to hold you up so you allow your eyes to slam shut as you lay back down. 

Her mouth is on you, hot and sure, and you are practically screaming with pleasure. You don't mean to be so loud, it's never been an issue before, but you cannot control your reactions and Alex is definitely getting off on it if her tiny whimpers against you are any indication. 

Your fingers thread through her hair, holding her to you. It's wanton and so unlike you but you've never felt anything like this and you can't get enough. You know you're close but then Alex hums against you and you fall over the edge without warning, crying out as your thighs tense around her head. She brings you down carefully and doesn't stop until you tug on her hair, too sensitive to handle anymore.

You can taste yourself on her lips in a kiss that you are sure is meant to convey comfort, it's so soft, but something snaps in you despite your post orgasmic lethargy. 

Alex gasps as you flip her over and straddle her, effectively pinning her to the mattress. You use the opportunity to kiss her deeply, dragging your tongue over the roof of her mouth. She's already whimpering and as you settle yourself more fully on top of her, your still sensitive center hits the denim of her jeans reminding you that she is still mostly clothed. 

"Off, off, off." You say, pulling her into an upright position so that you can reach around and unhook the clasp of her bra. She's so pliant in your arms, letting you take the lead and remove the barrier. As soon as you remove the undergarment, tossing it aside, Alex leans back on her hands giving you the perfect angle to explore the newly exposed skin. 

"So beautiful," you whisper. If you weren't so desperate to touch her, you could spend all day just looking. She is so responsive to your touch, throwing her head back and whimpering when your thumbs drag across both nipples simultaneously. 

When your mouth replaces your thumb she let's out a surprised, "Ah!" and meets your gaze. It's intense and intimate and apparently too much for her because her arms buckle and her back hits the mattress with a soft thud but you follow without breaking contact. 

Alex is pushing her hips up, seeking some kind of friction, and although you could easily stay where you are all night, a sudden image of her coming undone because of you spurs you into action. Between the two of you, you manage to take off the rest of her clothes. There is a little bit of giggling when the tight legs of her skinny jeans prove difficult to remove and you can't help but let it calm some of your nerves. Even with all the unbridled lust and newness of this experience, it's still just the two of you and that is as comforting as it is exciting. 

There is really nothing to be nervous about, as it turns out. You've done this before, but it was so long ago that you really thought you'd forgotten how but Alex is patient and encouraging and somehow you figure it out. 

For a while you just lay next to her, letting your mouth explore hers while your hands find all the spots on Alex's body that make her squirm. It doesn't take long before she's whispering, "please," and begging in a voice that you will surely dream about for the rest of your life. 

Alex comes with your mouth at her throat, sucking bruises into sensitive skin and your fingers curling into a spot inside of her that makes her hips fly off the bed. 

It's just barely getting dark outside but when Alex snuggles into you, panting and sated, you feel too spent to move. You're both sweaty and sticky and the sheets should probably be changed but there is a beautiful woman naked in your arms and despite the early hour, you let yourself drift off, deliriously happy and content.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short, fluffy, angsty first "I love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a really short update, I just couldn't get this scene out of my head.

The first time you hear Alex say she loves you, she's talking to someone else.

It's become a routine the two of you have developed when she has to work late. You let yourself into her apartment, tidy up, make sure she has something to eat when she gets off and basically just make things easier for her. You love to take care of her in these small ways and you think she appreciates it too, plus, she likes to come home to you already in her bed after a long, tough day. 

You decide to take a shower while you wait for Alex. The shower this morning was...amazing but you didn't get very clean. A blush creeps up your neck at the memory of Alex's mouth working reverently at your neck, a gentle counter point the the rough twisting of her wrist between your thighs. 

The shower is relaxing, the hot water soothing tense muscles. There is something strangely intimate in going about your nightly rituals in your girlfriend's apartment, like this space is yours too, like you belong here. 

Dressing in a soft sweatshirt of Alex's and your own boy shorts, you climb under the covers in her giant bed so you can read. Despite your exhaustion, you desperately want to be awake enough to see Alex when she comes in.

The sheets smell like her, feel like her and its a comforting feeling; to be surrounded by a scent you associate with a feeling of home and peace. You're fighting to stay awake but your eyes are heavy and you are already mostly asleep when you hear the door open. 

Alex is talking to someone in clipped tones, trying to whisper-yell. It's a common occurrence, she's often trying to sort out some emergency with work or with Kara long after she gets home, even in the wee hours of the morning. Then you hear something that grabs your attention.

"Maggie, stop." Alex says into her phone. It's not an angry tone but it is tired and defeated. You feel bad for listening in but as far as you know, she hasn't spoken to Maggie in months. You feel the beginning edges of panic take root in your brain. If Maggie wants her back, you don't know that you can compete with that and the thought of losing her is unfathomable.

"I can't do this," Alex sits on the sofa and you listen to her words, feigning sleep. "It's not that. I think I will always love you Maggie. You taught me how to be myself. You taught me what love felt like and I won't ever forget that, but I can't do this with you, we want different things and I...I'm in love with someone else."

Alex is silent for a while, presumably listening to Maggie speak. Your heart is fluttering like crazy. She said she's in love with someone else. Could that be true?

"It doesn't matter who." Alex says after several seconds of listening. "I wasn't looking for her, she was just...there. And she makes me happy, Maggie. I didn't think I would find that again so soon or at all but I did. I want the same for you. Maybe one day, when your name on my caller ID doesn't hurt to look at, maybe we can be friends but that's all I can offer. I'm sorry." 

There is no more talking after that, just a deep sigh from Alex. You keep your eyes shut tight, it feels like you've overheard something you weren't supposed to, and listen to Alex move about the room, getting clothes probably. The door to the bathroom shuts and you try desperately to even out your breathing. When she comes out, she gets in bed and wraps her body around yours, big spoon style. 

"I know you're awake, babe." She whispers, placing a soft kiss on your temple.

"Mmmmm..." You comment noncommittally, snuggling back into her. 

"Did you hear that conversation?" She asks, kissing the same spot again.

"Yes. Most of it. I'm sorry I didn't mean to eavesdrop..."

"It's okay." She interrupts, "I would have told you about it anyway. I don't want to keep things from you."

You flip over in her arms so you are face to face and kiss her softly. "Did you mean it?" you ask, almost afraid of her answer. 

"Yes." She doesn't ask for clarification, she doesn't need it.

"Me too." You answer after a while. You kiss her again and turn back around. Alex wraps her arms around you tightly and you feel her smile into the kiss she places on your shoulder. It's definitely not a big romantic gesture, not the way you envisioned telling each other that you'd fallen in love but somehow it's perfect.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A game night of sorts and Lena officially meets the friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another really short chapter. It's been a busy week and it's not slowing down! Not sure how many more chapters I'll do for this story so I am tentatively ending it here.

Kara insist on a get-together so that she can introduce you to everyone as Alex's girlfriend. You've met most of these people before but Kara was adamant that the occasion merited a dinner party. It honestly feels like you've been a part of Alex's life for much longer than you have been. Its difficult to recall a time when she wasn't everything to you and it feels strange to be "meeting" the friends so late in the game. Kara is just so happy for Alex and for you, neither of you could say no to her enthusiasm. So, here you are, keeping mostly to yourself in Kara's kitchen, observing Alex interact with all the people she loves. To think, mere months ago, she wouldn't even let them offer comfort.

" I don't think he likes me..." You tell Kara, motioning toward J'onn with a nod of your head. He keeps looking over at you with an expression you can't read. 

"Oh it's not that." Kara says, her cheeks taking on an adorable red hue. She's embarrassed but you don't know why. 

"What is it then?"

"Well....ummm...he's psychic."

"So?"

"So...Alex is looking at you like you're dessert. I'm not psychic and I'm traumatized. I can't imagine what J'onn is picking up on from her. You too probably. Poor guy, he's gonna need therapy." Kara gives you a look halfway between amusement and disgust.

You look over to where Alex is sitting on the couch, next to Winn, and catch her eye. She smiles, genuine and bright, and you notice the way she gives you a once over. 

Clearing your throat, you have the good decency to look a little ashamed. In the back of your brain you feel proud that Alex thinks of you, like that, even in these situations but quickly try to order your thoughts so that they are PG as Kara explains that its harder for him to tune out people he doesn't know well. You desperately want J'onn to like you or, at least, not hate you. Alex speaks so highly of him, his opinion is obviously important. 

"Oh, I see." You must be smiling because Kara bumps your shoulder. 

"Stop it!" She whispers but she's smiling too. 

Winn comes bounding into the kitchen, sliding in next to you. You like him, he's got a dorky side that makes him relatable and he's interested in all the technology you love so much. Winn could definitely be a friend one day, you think. 

"Hey, why are you two hiding in here?" He asks.

"It's an open floor plan. We are clearly not hiding. Or we're terrible at it." Kara retorts. Seriously, her sarcasm level is getting scary good. 

"Alex wants to play a game before we eat. Please don't leave me alone with her anymore, she's happy and not intimidating. Its weird and I think its your fault." Winn points to you, an obviously amused expression on his face.

"Me?! What did I do?" 

"You make her happy and mushy and....nice?" He says it like it's a bad thing but when Kara walks ahead to join the group, he leans into you and whispers, "thank you." The subtle acknowledgement makes your heart thud in your chest, like you're one step closer to forever.

Kara decides on a board game that you've never played and James patiently explains the rules to you while Alex sets up everything. When she sits down next you, she kisses your cheek. It's sweet and lingering and you blush at the round of, "awes," that follow. 

J'onn hangs back and just smiles fondly at the five of you. It's sweet that he acts as so much of a father figure to this little group. They all need it too, nobody here has a father that is around. You don't either and the thought of being someone that J'onn looks after is odd but you can't snuff out that tiny spark of hope in your chest. 

The game becomes heated quickly, you've never seen four people more competitive over a game in your life. You quietly excuse yourself and sit, somewhat awkwardly, with J'onn and watch the good natured arguing from a safe distance. 

Before you and Alex were together, Kara told you stories of the way Alex and Maggie would compete and bet over everything. Alex has never been like that with you, she's always sweet and patient if not a little sarcastic at times. Despite only knowing Maggie through a couple brief interactions, a few antidotal stories and one unfortunate arrest, you know that you are practically her polar opposite. It seems like she was a lot like Alex, tough and smart and always ready for a fight. You suppose it comes with the territory of being a cop or an agent. You don't have the same street smarts that Maggie has, you're not very physically strong and you loathe fighting in all forms. You wonder, sometimes, if that is why Alex fell for you; because you are so different from her ex. 

J'onn sits silently for a while, watching the game and you. He leans over and quietly says, "You're good for her. Thank you." You smile in response because you have no idea what to say to that. He's the second person to thank you for something you feel like you lucked into. You should be thanking them and their gratitude is all very surreal.

Alex is the first to lose the game. There is a lot of grumbling and shouting but when she comes over to the sofa and sits down half in your lap, she's all smiles. She kisses you softly on the lips and cuddles into as she turns to the group of people crowded around the coffee table. 

"I'm going to have to insist you two get that out of your system before we eat. I'd like to keep my food down, thank you very much." Kara looks sternly over her glasses as she scolds you. Alex just sticks her tongue out at her sister while you avert your gaze, embarrassed but oh so happy. 

It feels like you belong here, being teased by Kara and watching the woman you love with her family. This may never be your world, you may never seamlessly blend in but you're part of a family now and that's everything.


End file.
